Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 9: Calm

It would seem that my internal workings are settling back down to normal. No compulsive browsing of bdsm subs, no strong desire to look at nudeys. This jibes quite well with the finding of [that one study](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12659241/), which said that testosterone peaks in males after a week of abstinence, but then peters back to the levels before the abstinence. (I don't claim that this necessarily *is* the answer -- hormones are a complex topic and should not be reduced to one single factor, neat as it sounds, and purportedly the actual content of said study reflects that fact.)

There is still some work-related stress before the holidays, but it can be managed. Oh and I set up our new ikea bed all by myself - not normally something to brag about, but for a 49yo spastic some back pain, it's quite the feat.

I wonder if all my future posts will consider more or less of "nothing special". If so, a terribly uninteresting period lies ahead!

One thing though, is the deepness of breath. It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it, but there is this thing known as "transmutation of sexual energy" -  it feels like you're breathing the sexual powers from your genitals all through your body, and with prolongued chastity it tends to become "deeper", more "connected". The whole "I need to get laid right now" just kind of falls away, and it gets gradually replaced by a feeling of being connected with the universe. I totally understand where all the spiritual descriptions stem from - it really does feel that way, and if you don't activate your skepticism, you will likely fall for it. Even moreso if you need something "higher" to motivate you and keep you on the straight and narrow. It's very tempting.

I still think a lot of the good stuff has to do with "ego loss", which is just another word for letting go, and then letting go, and then letting go some more, all without forcing yourself. It allows you to get in touch with your fellow humans some more, probably being less in need of a filter composed of your projections. At least, that's the idea.



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