One thing I've learned (again) this week is that practice prescriptions are mostly just guidelines.
I came across this prescription for a tantric exercise. What it said was that I should lift my legs in the air for a certain amount of time, clench the PC muscle for 30 seconds and then flutter it for 10 etc.
I have let go of most of it. Keeping track of the time makes no sense in a tantric exercise, because it is just a distraction. What does matter, though, is the essence of it: Approximate, by breathing and muscle tension, what happens during orgasm, without ever touching yourself - and you'll experience all kinds of wonderful feelings. Experiment with your rhythms, develop your own style, and don't be fooled by metaphysics.
I actually do have more energy now. I'm getting my latest narrative finished, after 2 tough years. I stand up earlier than I used to, with less problems, and I'm not so sleepy at night. Even though this is a time of rather hard job demands and a firm and tense timeline.
Practically every life coach and self-help guru will go on about rituals, and how important they are. As one popular example, watch the following Tony Robbins video:
(Note for clarity, added after my discussion with Brent Mosher in the comments section below: I do not endorse Tony Robbins; he's a self-help guru, and he keeps raising unrealistic and false hopes in his followers. However, I think he's right in this regard, and I believe in separating the wheat from the chaff, even with gurus.)
He's right, of course, and they all are: Rituals are good for you!
This posting is about what they don't tell you, perhaps because it's not trendy and not "positive" enough. Or, more probably, they simply don't know it. (*)
Decision fatigue helps explain why ordinarily sensible people get angry at colleagues and families, splurge on clothes, buy junk food at the supermarket and can’t resist the dealer’s offer to rustproof their new car. No matter how rational and high-minded you try to be, you can’t make decision after decision without paying a biological price.
It’s different from ordinary physical fatigue — you’re not consciously aware of being tired — but you’re low on mental energy. The more choices you make throughout the day, the harder each one becomes for your brain...
(Highlights by me.)
And that is precisely why it makes sense to ritualize our tasks - especially those we don't like. Daily workout, I guess, is one of those for most of us. You get up in the morning and your brain and your whole body goes noooo, not again... I'm tired, I want ten more minutes in bed, it'll feel terrible... And that odd behaviour will continue day after day after day, even though you repeatedly have the experience of being more happy after the workout than before. But when you're used to doing your morning exercises every day at the same time for so long you don't even remember a time when you did not do them, it's much easier. It's one thing you don't have to think about.
Perhaps more importantly, if you know the dynamics of decision fatigue, it gets easier to handle those situations. It's not a question of guilt anymore, but a question of acquiring the skills. Instead of calling yourself a failure for not having enough willpower, now it's time to learn how to ritualize all the things you want to do on a regular basis.
And it gets even better!
'Cos you can apply the same principle on a much lower level, too.
I find that workout gets easier if I do the same set of exercises every time. Sure, every now and then I add an "extra", just to make it more interesting, but in general, I have my 10 or so moves that I do every day.
I hear similar stories from people who decided to go vegetarian. There is no question about ordering that rare steak. One more decision they don't have to take with every single meal.
Venturing into philosophical terrain, I find it plausible that our identity, the labels we attach to ourselves and then attach ourselves to, are yet another way to get rid of decisions. If that is so, my decision never to go 100% with any dietary philosophy has a severe drawback here, and I will rethink it in the next few days.
So, in case you were wondering why your grandma always insisted the dishes be done right after the meal, now you know - she was perfectly right. Sometimes, a lifetime of experience can make one a great psychologist.
What tasks can you think of right now that you would like to ritualize in this way?
Recently, I read a book on trauma therapy. It said, among many other useful and intriguing things, that they endorse methods of meditation or therapy that are centered in the body: such as qi gong, yoga, etc.
Now what is the common factor of all those methods?
They get you to take deep slow breaths, they get you to move in a certain smooth way, they get you to focus on your breath, and they get you to synchronize your movements to your breath. (*)
So quite possibly, this simple trick - move to the rhythm of your breath - is therapeutic in and of itself. I can attest that it feels good, regardless of whether you do the prescribed motions of, say, qi gong, or whether you just move about in that way. I wonder, how about doing your daily chores in such a way?
Anyway, it's part of my daily routine now, and it feels great.
I say, hooray for reductionism!
And Happy New Year!
(*) To be fair, I can't remember whether I read that in said book, or whether this is my own huge revelation.
Think of something that you wouldn't do under normal circumstances. As, for example, in my case, shooting a gun at another person.
Now think of circumstances that might make you do that, regardless. I might shoot someone if they shot me first. (Well, and if I had a gun.)
Now, assuming that those circumstances are met, think of circumstances that might keep you from doing that. If the other person started pleading, it might keep me from shooting them.
Go on until you run out of additional circumstances, or until it stops being fun.
I find that a rather interesting exercise, as it shows me what my real values are, and which value trumps which other value - in short, it confronts me with the "hierarchy" of my values.
Now for the real beef:
Do the same, but this time, think of taking advice from someone who vehemently opposes your worldview. For me, this might be a right-wing fundamentalist christian; say, a member of the Phelps family.
I say, this is not only a lot of fun, but it forces you to meet yourself at a level that you would normally avoid. It's a challenge to oneself, and it is just a mind-game so it is perfectly harmless. And I think we should challenge ourselves in ways like that way more often!
Here's a little experiment. It might take you 5-10 minutes or so:
Choose some attribute that you like. For example, "creative", "enthusiastic", "motivated", "strong", etc.
Think of that attribute.
While thinking of that attribute, focus on the first chakra. Repeat the attribute in your head, while breathing into the first chakra.
Then do the same for your second chakra, with the same word.
Do you notice any difference? Which chakra "responded" stronger? Were there images popping up? Are the images for the second chakra different from the ones for the first chakra? Do not try to change anything. Just note it.
Go on through all the chakras, from pelvic floor through solar plexus and heart, up to crown chakra.
Now take note of your feelings.
Did anything change? Was it a change you liked?
Now, you might want to decide to include this into your daily schedule. Or not. Your call.
This exercise is a synthesis of a few tantric and taoist exercises that I've read in several books, so if you're a purist of one specific brand of tantra, or if you're opposed to the neotantra craze, you'll probably not want to try this.
You have been warned.
It consists of the usual basic tantric elements:
breathing into the pelvic floor
using the PC muscles
directing the breath/energy upon exhaling
visualisations
Now, the trick here is WHAT to visualize, and WHERE to direct the energy.
If you're a beginner, it's probably best to first train each step before putting them all together.
Best practice seated. It seems to be easier to stay focussed that way.
Use slow, mindful strokes on your cock, so you don't hastily go into ejaculation.
As always, be sure to caress your WHOLE cock, not just the tip.
When you INHALE, relax the muscles and direct the breath into your scrotum. (the taoist "scrotum breathing" technique)
Imagine your scrotum as a balloon that inflates (as much as you like) when you inhale.
When you EXHALE, clench your PC muscles, deflate the balloon and direct the breath/energy directly from the scrotum, one by one, into...
the pelvic floor itself
the anus
the prostate
the lowest vertebra of your spine
and so on, up and up your spine
up the back of the head
the crown chakra
the third eye
the mouth
the neck
the chest
the belly
...and so on until you've reached the pelvic floor again.
Of course, it totally depends on you what "steps" you take to direct your breath, and where you direct it. I usually aim to make the steps as small as possible - ideally, I want to cover each vertebra separately, though I never manage to do so.
It is certainly beneficial to "rest" upon each separate spot for a few breaths - until it feels "filled" or starts tingling... the criteria here are a matter of practice. I just get the impression that it's enough for this one particular spot, after a while, so I move on. (Or I simply grow impatient, but that wouldn't be "spiritual" enough, so I never said that and you have no idea I did, okay?)
When I've reached the belly, it often feels like an intense flow of love and strength emanating from there.
I also make a point of including the arms and legs - on the soles of the feet, this feels almost like a foot massage; and I figure that, since my knees sometimes feel a little sore, they can only benefit from this kind of care.
And by the way, when I first tried this, I tried to separate the left extremities from the right, but I didn't manage to do so, so I gave it up and just go both at the same time.
So, that's it - balloon and pump away! And be sure to give me feedback after a while!
So, assuming that tantra actually does something for its practitioners - a fact that many seem convinced of, so it cannot simply be disregarded - what is a non-mystical explanation?
Let's look at one classical instruction (for guys - it's actually the one I practice the most):
"Focus on your breath. Upon inhaling, breathe as deeply as possible into your pelvic floor. upon exhaling, clench your PC muscles and direct the energy from the sex chakra up the spine."
This roughly translates to: "Focus inward - feel your breath - feel its flow - breathe deeper and deeper now - and as you go deeper and deeper inside, disregarding conscious thoughts that only come in the way, relaxing and feeling those good feelings, notice how the energy flows..."
To me, this sounds suspiciously like a trance induction. I'd hazard the guess that that's what it really is. Shifting the focus around inside your body helps to abandon verbal thinking, thereby driving you deeper into the trance. And of course, clenching the PC muscles does have a physical effect and produces sexual feelings, because it massages your prostate, and because the anal area is an erogenous zone (even if many males don't like to admit that).
As an experiment, you can try focusing the breath on totally unconnected areas. I don't know about you, but if I inhale into my left leg, and then exhale into the right leg, I get pretty much the same results. If that's not quite as much fun, probably that's because focusing on the organ that is producing those delicious sexy feelings is the best way to intensify those feelings?
I think we might be on to something here. No voodoo involved, no hindu gods invoked, no transcendental energy fields presupposed.
It simply makes sense, that's all! I strongly feel that this practice makes me stronger, that I'm actually more energetic and have more willpower if I do not ejaculate, but practice tantra instead.
This factor remains unexplained, for the time being. I have no frakking clue why not ejaculating makes me more energetic. If I had to guess, I'd say it's simply because I'm more horny, and tantra is a clever way to sublimate this horniness into useful actions.
