Diary of a nofap streak - Day 19: Preliminary Conclusions

Sometimes it would be nice to believe: That there is actually a deeper level. A higher consciousness. The universe as a conscious being. There is a power. If you perform a specific ritual, it actually has supernatural effects. The wonderful feelings in my spine are real energy and can be directed to perform healing, effect change in the real world, make me enlightened.

I've read a lot of esoteric and religious stuff. I'm forever fascinated by it. I absolutely get the appeal.

I could write books about it. In a way, I try to do just that. My stories revolve around people who believe all kinds of woo. I love those ideas. I love trying to put myself in the head of a true believer. I love to meditate on the effects they have in people's lives - the good and the bad and the just plain weird.

But those stories are fictive, all the magical effects are my inventions.

If several weeks of semen retention made my skin glow, made women come on to me out of nowhere, made my hair softer, my voice heavier, made me need less sleep (source 1, source 2), that would certainly be a hint that something is going on. However, none of that has happened so far.

(Better memory? You gotta be kiddin' me. I have terrible memory. Any tiny little hint that this has improved, would most certainly be well noted by me. If all it took to get better recollection, was abstaining from sex for a little while longer, boy would I go for it!)

What HAS happened, and reliably does happen indeed, is a subjective feeling of increased energy, a better ability to create bliss on the spot by breathing, a deep relaxation. My back is definitely better.

All the effects that are easy to explain by placebo, or by other livestyle changes*), actually appear. Everything that would be tangible evidence of semen retention per se, does not.

Yes, it hasn't been 90 days, but merely ca 20. I maintain there should be at least some visible change by now, if semen retention actually worked.

To me, the conclusion is pretty obvious: Chastity is good practice that will likely enhance your spiritual practice, especially if you combine it with yoga and tantric breathing techniques, and it can surely improve your sexual life. If you kink out on it, so much the better! But it does not change your body, it does not change your character in a fundamental way, it does not magically turn you into a chick magnet, it doesn't give you any superpowers.

I will stay off masturbation for the time being - at least to the end of August. I will keep up this journal till then, just to keep me on track. I will try and go for one ejaculation every 2-3 weeks, so my wife and I can enjoy those glorious moments of togetherness. I think this is a reasonable plan to move forward, given the evidence. I would love nothing more than go for the full 90 days just to have undeniable knowledge, but I simply cannot do that to my marriage, especially not right now given some circumstances in our life right now.

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*) not to mention one week of holidays, with yet another ahead. Definitely has an effect.

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Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

When you let go of the need for "orgasm"...

...you can discover that you never knew what an orgasm really was.

A breakdown of multiple orgasms for men

This is the best, most systematic writeup of the topic I have seen so far, totally void of woo or religious wordgames.

https://www.nateliason.com/multiple-orgasms-men/

Here are the key points:

• There are four types of orgasm:
• Ejaculatory orgasm (EO)
• Non-ejaculatory orgasm (NEO)
• Prolongued non-ejaculatory orgasm (PNEO)
• Prostate orgasm (PO)
• Step one: Ejaculatory control
• You should be comfortable masturbating for 10+ minutes with constant stimulation (not having to stop and start a ton of times).
• Step two: Kegel exercises
• In order to stop yourself from ejaculating, you need to develop a strong PC muscle.
• Step three: Daily practice
• Set aside 20+ minutes each night to masturbate and work on it.
• Don't use porn.
• Step four: Separate orgasm from ejaculation
• Orgasm is not caused by ejaculating, rather it normally happens in sync with and actually slightly before ejaculating.
• Separate them for just a second by squeezing the penis.
• Step five: Your first NEO
• Work yourself up to a peak, and bring yourself down. Up and down.
• Step six: Intensify your NEOs
• Unlike a regular EO (ejaculatory orgasm), an NEO isn’t immediately extremely pleasurable, it’s something you have to build up to through practice.
• Step seven: The  prolongued NEO (PNEO)
• "Chain" your orgasms together for very long orgasms.

You can find all the details, plus a lot more information on the website I linked above, so be sure to visit it!

Do tantrikas provide a happy ending?

It seems that some people arrive here because they seek an answer to the question "Do tantrikas provide a happy ending?"

What seems like a straight and trivial question is really a bit tricky once you look into the details.

The short answer is: Yes, in my experience most professional tantrikas and masseuses will ask you whether you want a "happy ending". Sometimes they will charge a few extra bucks for it. (I have packed the naked factual information into the Tantra SSC FAQ for your convenience.)

However, the thing about tantra is that it is essentially about letting go of the goals and experiencing life from moment to moment. The idea is that our habitual focus on goals often gets in the way of just enjoying what is. When you're completely immersed in something and enjoying it with all your senses, you will rarely ever think about its "goal" or "purpose" or "finish". You're simply present in the here and now. And one effect of tantric practice is to help you be in that state more often. Essentially, you learn how to ride the wave of pleasure instead of asking where it will lead you.

So the question is actually a bit misleading, because it presupposes that the "happy ending" is the client's goal. That may or may not be true. Hazarding a guess, I'd say that first-time clients will always seek the "happy ending", while with more experience, at some point people discover the intricate and subtle pleasures of not having the pleasure end at all, and will stop asking for it.

How Tantra Can Improve Your Sex Life

I just realized that I wrote a blog posting entitled "How tantra can improve your sex life". I was joking in that posting. Every blog about tantra is obliged to have a posting like that, because after all, sex sells, and specifically with tantra, sex is what seals the deal.

I'm doing another posting on the same topic - only this time, let's be a bit more serious!

It can sometimes be easy to forget that other people don't know what I know.

I don't mean this to be demeaning or derogatory. I gathered some knowledge over a few years. A huge part of that time was spent in doubt whether this would actually lead me anywhere, or whether it was just a huge waste of time. There is no question, by now, which one is true. But of course, you, my dear reader, may probably not have gone down that road, may be about to decide whether this is for you, may have had some bad experience with some self-appointed "tantrika".

So...

How tantra can improve your sex life... for real

The answer can be summed up in one word: Mindfulness.

If you're used to the normal ritual of sex, then this may be hard to grok: First off, what is meant by the term mindfulness, and how would it lead to better orgasms or more joy in your sex life?

Have you ever had one of those moments of absolute clarity? For a brief instant, you were totally in tune with yourself. The world was a peaceful place, and it was good to be there, wherever it was. It was a moment to be savored, and not even the knowledge of its eventual passing posed any real problem.

Whenever you are in a state like that, it just doesn't matter what the future will bring. You are in this moment, right here, right now, and that's it. That is a fine thing whenever it happens, pretty much regardless where you are.

If you happen to be in bed with your partner, it means that you don't have to strive for orgasm, ejaculation, release - even the question whether you (as a male) currently have an erection becomes obsolete. You just enjoy whatever feelings there are. And by doing so, those feelings become even more joyful and enjoyable.

Isn't that something?

Well, there's more.

See, if you're being mindful and let go of your drive towards orgasm, you can also be mindful of your partner. You stop rushing things. You take your time. That may be even more of a change for us males, because we tend to be rather goal-oriented creatures. You'll stop asking yourself if you've done enough licking or stroking, or when she'll at last have the sought-after orgasm. You can let go of your performance angst and your desire to satisfy her "better than any other guy", because every moment is excellent in and of itself.

In short, it makes you a better lover.

Techniques

Of course, there are lots of subtle techniques - mostly boiling down to breathing and PC muscle exercises - and they have their place and are good and important tools. But the core essence of tantra, as with any other meditative practice, is skillful mindfulness.

The Firy Wall

Okay, I'll do a bold step now and admit that I've been a huge kinkster for quite some time. On top of being kinky about rational thinking, that is.

Not that that's a big secret to boot, but it factors into what I'll say now.

I've been fascinated with chastity and its associated devices for long, long years. The infatuation with the devices, the belts and cages, has long dwindled. But I always saw something beyond the kink in the idea of chastity.

The kinky bit always created a sort of uneasy agility - which is, of course, precisely what the kinksters seek from it; but it's somewhat annoying in the long run. After all, what I really want for my life is a grounded, quiet sort of energy reserve that just hangs there in the background and is ready to kick in when the stakes are high.

Now, I've been "chaste" for about two weeks now. I didn't exactly count the days - that's not what this is about. I just kept focusing on the breath, instead of achieving ejaculatory orgasm.

For a few days, I was in almost that same state of high, but useless energy that I had back when I experimented with chastity devices. Nervous, uncontrollable, somehow very enjoyable but highly unstable, unfocused. Browsing for porn, having trouble sleeping, never focused on one task for longer than a few minutes.

But it seems that this is changing now. There is a more steady flow of good feelings, I've slept well for 7 hours, and I am quickly gaining back my focus. My drive, my confidence, my ability to dream up the most far-fetched visions... it's all coming back now. With a vengeance, so to speak.

My mental image for this is a "firy wall" that you have to break through - or rather, calmly pass through, in order to reach a more steadily energized state.

A link

Because about.com is always a good place to start... the approach they describe is slightly different than the one I'm promoting here. But it's all about experimentation, and ultimately about feeling good!