Funny feeling. July 19th was the last time I wanked off. In the meantime, I had two orgasms with my wife, and three times had sex without cumming.
A whole month. Of course, it's just an arbitrary number, but the way the human mind works, it feels special. There is some pride, but more than that there is a deep kind of satisfaction. When you abstain from something -- something you thought you needed, whatever it is, I guess -- it gives you a deeper understanding of your wants and needs. You connect with something important that way. It removes a barrier. Something like "opening up a chakra", to use one of those esoteric metaphors. Conferring with your angel. Moving up the Tree of Life. I'm sure every religion, every culture has its own cherished expressions for it.
It becomes easier to differentiate your superficial wants from your actual needs. You have already experienced that you can live without it, so you can now focus on what really matters.
I'm back at work. The huge advantage is that I drink less. I never went for complete abstinence, but during vacations it tends to escalate a bit, and it's good to go back to normal.
Now the big challenge ahead: Apply the skill of mindful enjoyment to other areas. Maybe it is possible to eat less, eat healthier and more ecological, without engaging in willpower excesses, and while enjoying the food even more. Maybe the same goes for alcohol, for youtube, for a lot of things I'm not even aware of yet...
Maybe there is resistance to all those joys, based on self-loathing and deeply ingrained capitalist "ethics".
Maybe I should start to emply the "matrix" metaphor, "red pill" myself and become a total conspiracy nutjob, lol. In the general public's eye, it would be quite a fit...
I guess I got used to it by now. It seems like I don't really want to masturbate anymore -- ever. At the same time, I know from previous streaks that this, too, will pass. And that is perfectly fine.
Do not get attached to non-attachment!
Empathy. Rationality. Sensuality.
Thursday, August 20, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 31: A whole month
Saturday, August 15, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 27: Not a lot to say
It is perfectly fine to not have a lot to say. The journey is through calmer waters now. Next week it's back to the treadmill, I only hope it won't be too stressful. I had some weird dreams, but that's quite normal for me. I don't believe they mean a thing, even though I've been dream-journalling for decades and would have much loved to find a pattern or predictive powers or anything of that sort.
So yeah, working on my story, breathing in breathing out, watching the remaining cat hang around in the sun. Saturday afternoon.
Thursday, August 13, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 25: Dealing with anxiety
A few things happened, and in the end I woke up this morning with a bad case of anxiety.
The interesting thing about those bad emotional places is that you can leave them... if you just do stuff. Tidy up the flat a bit. Write a few sentences of that novel. Go for a little walk. Do "just a bit", and that tends to expand into something bigger, and then that makes you feel better. That's why I like a writing method that lets me jump around and add a bit here, a bit there. It is much easier to get back into, if you can't write on a very regular schedule.
Next step: Breathe and accept the anxiety...
Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/
Tuesday, August 11, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 23: The sad part
After a wonderful, wonderful weekend in an expensive hotel, which obviously involved some glorious sex, we came home yesterday to find one of our cats in the hall, soiled and paralyzed. It turned out that a blood clot had formed in his leg. He didn't even touch a bowl of sweet corn we gave him. It seemed he had already given up. He had a heart condition, which we only just thought we had beat.
So the rest of the day didn't go exactly as planned. We gave him as much love as we possibly could. We drove to put our snuggly, anxious, purr-purr-meowing cat down, then brought him to the mortician, which turned out quite a journey, to get him cremated.
The act itself was fast and virtually painfree: First the narcosis, which got him to sleep in a second, then the poison. One last breath, and off he was to cat heaven, where he now eats prawn and corn all day, has as many hiding places as he could wish for, where nobody can ever disturb him, no strangers and no evil vacs to scare him.
We had a good dinner in his name, wrote down everything we remembered - his various pet names, habits, favourite foods, all the joyful moments we had with him. We'll make a foto album for the memories.
Tonight, my wife will bring our other cat to the doctor to have surgery for his skin cancer. Let's hope for the best! He has epilepsy, so there is a risk, and the cancer might have spread - but we'll just say it will work out fine, shall we. We can't lose both cats in the same week!!
Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/
So the rest of the day didn't go exactly as planned. We gave him as much love as we possibly could. We drove to put our snuggly, anxious, purr-purr-meowing cat down, then brought him to the mortician, which turned out quite a journey, to get him cremated.
The act itself was fast and virtually painfree: First the narcosis, which got him to sleep in a second, then the poison. One last breath, and off he was to cat heaven, where he now eats prawn and corn all day, has as many hiding places as he could wish for, where nobody can ever disturb him, no strangers and no evil vacs to scare him.
We had a good dinner in his name, wrote down everything we remembered - his various pet names, habits, favourite foods, all the joyful moments we had with him. We'll make a foto album for the memories.
Tonight, my wife will bring our other cat to the doctor to have surgery for his skin cancer. Let's hope for the best! He has epilepsy, so there is a risk, and the cancer might have spread - but we'll just say it will work out fine, shall we. We can't lose both cats in the same week!!
Saturday, August 8, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 20: The Heat
There are times on this journey when the energy gets overwhelmingly strong. It feels incredibly good, but at the same time, you're very much overpowered and can do nothing but surrender.
I can totally imagine a situation where I would wank off just to get rid of the heat. Just so I could get some work done.
It's very blissful. Remember my older solemn tantric oath: Give in to it. Feel it through and through. Surrender to it. Own it. Make it mine, or rather make me its. Give in. And just like that, the angst and the anxiety vanish, and it is all good.
There is no need to fight it. There is no need to do anything but accept. This is what is, right now.
It is quite unspeakable. It's like my body is filled with pleasure and lust, desire and satisfaction rolled up into one. It's a tingling and a heat and a little dizziness. It starts from the spine, spreads through my belly and chest, into my arms and legs, even the head.
A good thing it's a saturday and I don't have to go to work.
It's very blissful. Remember my older solemn tantric oath: Give in to it. Feel it through and through. Surrender to it. Own it. Make it mine, or rather make me its. Give in. And just like that, the angst and the anxiety vanish, and it is all good.
There is no need to fight it. There is no need to do anything but accept. This is what is, right now.
It is quite unspeakable. It's like my body is filled with pleasure and lust, desire and satisfaction rolled up into one. It's a tingling and a heat and a little dizziness. It starts from the spine, spreads through my belly and chest, into my arms and legs, even the head.
I revel in the knowledge that there is no supernatural. Imagining this to be an entity of its own, with a will separate from my own, doing stuff to me that I cannot control, and potentially will never stop, would be quite unsettling.
Friday, August 7, 2020
Channeling the energy
I channel my pent up energy into my writing. Sublimation FTW. Quite interesting, how the mind works.
I copy a very old Tarot journal (from 2003!) into my computer. It is so interesting to see, what I thought back then, how I related, how it's all about finding a girlfriend, and a lot about that one particular girl with BPD who had made me so unhappy. It's quite the trip.
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 19: Preliminary Conclusions
Sometimes it would be nice to believe: That there is actually a deeper level. A higher consciousness. The universe as a conscious being. There is a power. If you perform a specific ritual, it actually has supernatural effects. The wonderful feelings in my spine are real energy and can be directed to perform healing, effect change in the real world, make me enlightened.
I've read a lot of esoteric and religious stuff. I'm forever fascinated by it. I absolutely get the appeal.
I could write books about it. In a way, I try to do just that. My stories revolve around people who believe all kinds of woo. I love those ideas. I love trying to put myself in the head of a true believer. I love to meditate on the effects they have in people's lives - the good and the bad and the just plain weird.
But those stories are fictive, all the magical effects are my inventions.
If several weeks of semen retention made my skin glow, made women come on to me out of nowhere, made my hair softer, my voice heavier, made me need less sleep (source 1, source 2), that would certainly be a hint that something is going on. However, none of that has happened so far.
(Better memory? You gotta be kiddin' me. I have terrible memory. Any tiny little hint that this has improved, would most certainly be well noted by me. If all it took to get better recollection, was abstaining from sex for a little while longer, boy would I go for it!)
What HAS happened, and reliably does happen indeed, is a subjective feeling of increased energy, a better ability to create bliss on the spot by breathing, a deep relaxation. My back is definitely better.
All the effects that are easy to explain by placebo, or by other livestyle changes*), actually appear. Everything that would be tangible evidence of semen retention per se, does not.
Yes, it hasn't been 90 days, but merely ca 20. I maintain there should be at least some visible change by now, if semen retention actually worked.
To me, the conclusion is pretty obvious: Chastity is good practice that will likely enhance your spiritual practice, especially if you combine it with yoga and tantric breathing techniques, and it can surely improve your sexual life. If you kink out on it, so much the better! But it does not change your body, it does not change your character in a fundamental way, it does not magically turn you into a chick magnet, it doesn't give you any superpowers.
I will stay off masturbation for the time being - at least to the end of August. I will keep up this journal till then, just to keep me on track. I will try and go for one ejaculation every 2-3 weeks, so my wife and I can enjoy those glorious moments of togetherness. I think this is a reasonable plan to move forward, given the evidence. I would love nothing more than go for the full 90 days just to have undeniable knowledge, but I simply cannot do that to my marriage, especially not right now given some circumstances in our life right now.
I've read a lot of esoteric and religious stuff. I'm forever fascinated by it. I absolutely get the appeal.
I could write books about it. In a way, I try to do just that. My stories revolve around people who believe all kinds of woo. I love those ideas. I love trying to put myself in the head of a true believer. I love to meditate on the effects they have in people's lives - the good and the bad and the just plain weird.
But those stories are fictive, all the magical effects are my inventions.
If several weeks of semen retention made my skin glow, made women come on to me out of nowhere, made my hair softer, my voice heavier, made me need less sleep (source 1, source 2), that would certainly be a hint that something is going on. However, none of that has happened so far.
(Better memory? You gotta be kiddin' me. I have terrible memory. Any tiny little hint that this has improved, would most certainly be well noted by me. If all it took to get better recollection, was abstaining from sex for a little while longer, boy would I go for it!)
What HAS happened, and reliably does happen indeed, is a subjective feeling of increased energy, a better ability to create bliss on the spot by breathing, a deep relaxation. My back is definitely better.
All the effects that are easy to explain by placebo, or by other livestyle changes*), actually appear. Everything that would be tangible evidence of semen retention per se, does not.
Yes, it hasn't been 90 days, but merely ca 20. I maintain there should be at least some visible change by now, if semen retention actually worked.
To me, the conclusion is pretty obvious: Chastity is good practice that will likely enhance your spiritual practice, especially if you combine it with yoga and tantric breathing techniques, and it can surely improve your sexual life. If you kink out on it, so much the better! But it does not change your body, it does not change your character in a fundamental way, it does not magically turn you into a chick magnet, it doesn't give you any superpowers.
I will stay off masturbation for the time being - at least to the end of August. I will keep up this journal till then, just to keep me on track. I will try and go for one ejaculation every 2-3 weeks, so my wife and I can enjoy those glorious moments of togetherness. I think this is a reasonable plan to move forward, given the evidence. I would love nothing more than go for the full 90 days just to have undeniable knowledge, but I simply cannot do that to my marriage, especially not right now given some circumstances in our life right now.
*) not to mention one week of holidays, with yet another ahead. Definitely has an effect.
Thursday, August 6, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 18: When desire hits...
...give in to it!
Good thing I'm staying home today, for the most part (we're visiting friends tonight, first time since c* - haven't seen them in over 6 months).
Here's the challenge: When the urge comes, give in to it. Absolutely, deeply, completely hand yourself over.
The catch? Don't jerk off. Don't even touch yourself. Breathe deep. Inhale horniness, exhale pure lust.
Jerking off is not giving in to the urge. Jerking off is the opposite. Jerking off is an attempt to end the urge, scratch it away like an itch.
But a self-respecting itch doesn't end there. It is stronger than you, and much more intelligent! It comes back with a vengeance. Fighting it does not work. What works (I hope) is completely accepting it, stepping deep into the fire, clothing myself with it, transforming unbearable yearning into satisfaction and delight merely by realizing that that is its real nature.
I think that this might be the actual hidden wisdom of tantra: that lust, desire, and rejection can be used as pathways to insight - as opposed to the consensus buddhist view *), which sees them as mere obstacles. That ultimate satisfaction is a seed buried within desire itself, not achieved through fulfilment, but found through acceptance, by looking close enough.
I had a very bad night. Didn't get to sleep, then woke from a nightmare, then woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. Looking forward to that construction work, yay! But, maybe right because I'm so bleary-eyed, I'm also on the verge of orgasm without even doing anything. So this may turn out to be the day I end the streak just so I can get some sleep - or, it ends up the day on which I discover something completely new and sensational... of which you, my dear reader - if you indeed exist - would get to read tomorrow.
We'll see. Oh, we shall see!
Good thing I'm staying home today, for the most part (we're visiting friends tonight, first time since c* - haven't seen them in over 6 months).
Here's the challenge: When the urge comes, give in to it. Absolutely, deeply, completely hand yourself over.
The catch? Don't jerk off. Don't even touch yourself. Breathe deep. Inhale horniness, exhale pure lust.
Jerking off is not giving in to the urge. Jerking off is the opposite. Jerking off is an attempt to end the urge, scratch it away like an itch.
But a self-respecting itch doesn't end there. It is stronger than you, and much more intelligent! It comes back with a vengeance. Fighting it does not work. What works (I hope) is completely accepting it, stepping deep into the fire, clothing myself with it, transforming unbearable yearning into satisfaction and delight merely by realizing that that is its real nature.
I think that this might be the actual hidden wisdom of tantra: that lust, desire, and rejection can be used as pathways to insight - as opposed to the consensus buddhist view *), which sees them as mere obstacles. That ultimate satisfaction is a seed buried within desire itself, not achieved through fulfilment, but found through acceptance, by looking close enough.
I had a very bad night. Didn't get to sleep, then woke from a nightmare, then woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. Looking forward to that construction work, yay! But, maybe right because I'm so bleary-eyed, I'm also on the verge of orgasm without even doing anything. So this may turn out to be the day I end the streak just so I can get some sleep - or, it ends up the day on which I discover something completely new and sensational... of which you, my dear reader - if you indeed exist - would get to read tomorrow.
We'll see. Oh, we shall see!
*) term shamelessly stolen from David Chapman
Wednesday, August 5, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 17: Too cool for school...
...too relaxed to post, too happy to care.
I'm slowly beginning to understand what it means to be emotionally independent. When you realize you have a stable foundation inside, and you need not rely on external factors. When all the annoyance just falls by the... WILL YOU BE QUIET? WILL YOU FUCKING STOP IT WITH YOUR BULLSHIT NOISE ALL THE TIME??? ..., you know, when you experience that calm inside. It's truly lovely. And it really improves the holiday experience.
We had wonderful sex last night. I made my wife cum a few times (more times than ever before actually). I rested in her, didn't cum. I love that way to have sex. Sadly, it can't last forever.
Today, I made a lot of flat maintenance - putting stuff in boxes and stowing them in cupboards. Perfect job for a rainy day, and my back very much appreciates all the exercise. The only downside is, I'm exhausted now.
I feel I'm at a bit of a crossroads. We'll spend the weekend at a good hotel, have a candlelight dinner and get pampered to no end. My wife told me that, me not cumming in her, feels like a tiny bit of a loss to her. As I said, I would love to go on without it for a few more weeks, but on the other hand, I want her to have the best sexual experience she can. She does appreciate all the enthusiasm though. Maybe I'll just see it as a kind of interruption, moreso than an end. Anyway I would like to keep up the journal, to make a note of how I feel afterwards. I might skip the weekend though. Being pampered tends to do that...
I'm slowly beginning to understand what it means to be emotionally independent. When you realize you have a stable foundation inside, and you need not rely on external factors. When all the annoyance just falls by the... WILL YOU BE QUIET? WILL YOU FUCKING STOP IT WITH YOUR BULLSHIT NOISE ALL THE TIME??? ..., you know, when you experience that calm inside. It's truly lovely. And it really improves the holiday experience.
We had wonderful sex last night. I made my wife cum a few times (more times than ever before actually). I rested in her, didn't cum. I love that way to have sex. Sadly, it can't last forever.
Today, I made a lot of flat maintenance - putting stuff in boxes and stowing them in cupboards. Perfect job for a rainy day, and my back very much appreciates all the exercise. The only downside is, I'm exhausted now.
I feel I'm at a bit of a crossroads. We'll spend the weekend at a good hotel, have a candlelight dinner and get pampered to no end. My wife told me that, me not cumming in her, feels like a tiny bit of a loss to her. As I said, I would love to go on without it for a few more weeks, but on the other hand, I want her to have the best sexual experience she can. She does appreciate all the enthusiasm though. Maybe I'll just see it as a kind of interruption, moreso than an end. Anyway I would like to keep up the journal, to make a note of how I feel afterwards. I might skip the weekend though. Being pampered tends to do that...
It gets down to a decision of priorities. There isn't any drama there. Either way is good, either way is a way forward. I'll just have to decide, that's all.
Tuesday, August 4, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 16: An opportunity relax into the noise.
I'm quite tired. There is construction work going on outside, and it's fairly loud. I'm waiting for the delivery service guy to arrive (alcohol free beer, mostly). I don't plan on leaving the flat at all. Delivery food, a few videos, some reading...
Despite the tiredness, the annoying noises and the wait (which always makes me kind of nervous even if there isn't anything to fret about), I'm surprisingly focused, calm and content. I put it down to my daily meditation routine, intermittent deep breathing, yoga and the good feelings from the chastity work, mostly.
When you know how not to fight the noise, instead make a conscious effort to welcome it (counterintuitive as this is!), realize that you can't do anything about it anyway - well, I could go to a café or something, so if I choose otherwise, it's really my own fault isn't it - and try to see it is yet another practice, then it all becomes a lot easier.
Ultimately, the idea is that everything contains an element of joy, even what seems to annoy us and make us mad. I can vibe with the sounds, or pick a fruitless fight. There isn't even a question which is more intelligent. One can go a step further, meditate into the sounds, give myself compassion and later extend it to the construction workers.
I'm reminded of a zen anecdote, I don't know where I read it: The monks complained to the zen master that the noise from the construction site disturbed their meditation. To which the master replied: Then why do you disturb the sounds with your mind?
Despite the tiredness, the annoying noises and the wait (which always makes me kind of nervous even if there isn't anything to fret about), I'm surprisingly focused, calm and content. I put it down to my daily meditation routine, intermittent deep breathing, yoga and the good feelings from the chastity work, mostly.
When you know how not to fight the noise, instead make a conscious effort to welcome it (counterintuitive as this is!), realize that you can't do anything about it anyway - well, I could go to a café or something, so if I choose otherwise, it's really my own fault isn't it - and try to see it is yet another practice, then it all becomes a lot easier.
Ultimately, the idea is that everything contains an element of joy, even what seems to annoy us and make us mad. I can vibe with the sounds, or pick a fruitless fight. There isn't even a question which is more intelligent. One can go a step further, meditate into the sounds, give myself compassion and later extend it to the construction workers.
I'm reminded of a zen anecdote, I don't know where I read it: The monks complained to the zen master that the noise from the construction site disturbed their meditation. To which the master replied: Then why do you disturb the sounds with your mind?
I'll try to get some writing done, do some housework and a bit of yoga, and other than that, just relax.
Monday, August 3, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 15: The thrill is gone
What do you do when the thrill wears of? Especially when you've committed to a daily journaling effort. Even if practically nobody will ever read this, I feel like I have an obligation to produce something mildly interesting each day.
You know what IS interesting? Since I dabble in writing, this is a problem I face quite often. I have a scene in my current narrative where a woman holds a wiccan/feminist/tantric course. It is important to establish her as a leader, and by the end of it, her patriarchal nemesis will break in and ruin the day. But what do I do to build this up? Sometimes, ideas come cheap. Sometimes they don't. There are a few techniques, but they only get you so far. You have to keep at it, even if it feels nothing goes right.
One way to deal with it is to go meta, break the fourth wall: for example, to talk about habits in general. A bit of a cop-out, but only a bit.
There is a dramaturgy to habits, a common way they unfold.
You start with firm dedication, great dreams and motivation. "I will prevail over the demon of smoking. I will practice my bass every day, and soon I will be a rock goddess."
For a week or so, you actually feel some progress.
Then it all peters off. Like in a love affair, the thrill is gone, and you want to move on. You drag on for a bit, and then...
Well, maybe you give up, actually move on to something else, or you drag yourself through that down. Life experience can help you with that. Friends can help. Accountability buddies. Habit trackers. If it's a "negative" habit, like giving up alcohol or nofap, this might actually be a bit easier to get through - you don't have to drag your sorry ass up to do stuff, you just have to not-do anything. It can still be tough, with relief lurking around the corner, only a few minutes of rubbing it off.
Having a firm grasp of your imagination can help. When I wrote that last sentence, the urge came back. When I write my (rather sexually charged) narrative, it doesn't. So I think that it's a good idea to be very observative about the thoughts and images in my head. I don't feed my brain racy raunchy videos. I try and read a lot - it's on my daily habits list. Re-finding the advantage of reading over video-ing is good.
You know what IS interesting? Since I dabble in writing, this is a problem I face quite often. I have a scene in my current narrative where a woman holds a wiccan/feminist/tantric course. It is important to establish her as a leader, and by the end of it, her patriarchal nemesis will break in and ruin the day. But what do I do to build this up? Sometimes, ideas come cheap. Sometimes they don't. There are a few techniques, but they only get you so far. You have to keep at it, even if it feels nothing goes right.
One way to deal with it is to go meta, break the fourth wall: for example, to talk about habits in general. A bit of a cop-out, but only a bit.
There is a dramaturgy to habits, a common way they unfold.
You start with firm dedication, great dreams and motivation. "I will prevail over the demon of smoking. I will practice my bass every day, and soon I will be a rock goddess."
For a week or so, you actually feel some progress.
Then it all peters off. Like in a love affair, the thrill is gone, and you want to move on. You drag on for a bit, and then...
Well, maybe you give up, actually move on to something else, or you drag yourself through that down. Life experience can help you with that. Friends can help. Accountability buddies. Habit trackers. If it's a "negative" habit, like giving up alcohol or nofap, this might actually be a bit easier to get through - you don't have to drag your sorry ass up to do stuff, you just have to not-do anything. It can still be tough, with relief lurking around the corner, only a few minutes of rubbing it off.
Having a firm grasp of your imagination can help. When I wrote that last sentence, the urge came back. When I write my (rather sexually charged) narrative, it doesn't. So I think that it's a good idea to be very observative about the thoughts and images in my head. I don't feed my brain racy raunchy videos. I try and read a lot - it's on my daily habits list. Re-finding the advantage of reading over video-ing is good.
I think it is important to realize that it's not about instigating one change, and that's that. The motivation to change comes in waves, like everything else. The challenge is not to overcome the hollow - or dive through as it were - but to ride the flow and the ebb alike. There can be a realization that something unexpected might wait beyond the chasm, and holding out for a while will get you there, even if you don't see it yet. Or... or there is nothing, and then you have learned something valuable too.
Sunday, August 2, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 14: Philosophy
I got a bit of writing done yesterday. Improved my very own personal habit tracker. Revisited my ancient greek studies. Then went out with a friend and got properly wasted. Plus, we recited Goethe's Faust with much gusto.
All in all, a productive Saturday! Even more so if you keep in mind that this was the first day of my holidays!
This is decidedly a stay-in-bed Sunday.
The chastity is now quite easy to keep up. There is this deep joy in breathing the energy into my feet (which happens all by itself a lot of the time), or somewhere else (which requires some focus). It's a wonderful feeling without comparison. I wonder if one gets used to it, if one can get addicted to it, if it can turn into its own little habit.
I get the impression that habits are a lot like muscles - use them or lose them. That goes for good habits as well as bad ones. I wonder how this relates to self-definition - "Me, I'm just naturally chaste, deep down". Yeah, no, probably won't work.
I'm preparing a blog post, a reaction to a youtube video. I discovered that one can open the transcript, copy it into one's favourite text editor (vim - what else?), perform a few search/replaces, and you have a good-enough text to read and use for commenting. Quite fancy!
All in all, a productive Saturday! Even more so if you keep in mind that this was the first day of my holidays!
This is decidedly a stay-in-bed Sunday.
The chastity is now quite easy to keep up. There is this deep joy in breathing the energy into my feet (which happens all by itself a lot of the time), or somewhere else (which requires some focus). It's a wonderful feeling without comparison. I wonder if one gets used to it, if one can get addicted to it, if it can turn into its own little habit.
I get the impression that habits are a lot like muscles - use them or lose them. That goes for good habits as well as bad ones. I wonder how this relates to self-definition - "Me, I'm just naturally chaste, deep down". Yeah, no, probably won't work.
I'm preparing a blog post, a reaction to a youtube video. I discovered that one can open the transcript, copy it into one's favourite text editor (vim - what else?), perform a few search/replaces, and you have a good-enough text to read and use for commenting. Quite fancy!
Saturday, August 1, 2020
Diary of a nofap streak - Day 13: Will I make it?
This promises to be interesting. Since it's saturday and we have some time together, and my wife is up for it, there will be sexual activity later on. Lots of headgiving on my part for sure, and maybe a bit of resting inside Goddess. It has happened in the past that I came from only being inside her, without any movement at all. It might happen again, unavoidably. One should not forget that my wife is the hottest woman in existence, right now even more than ever! (It's one part of why I'm doing this, after all!)
If it does happen, let's enjoy it and not look at it as a kind of loss. Remember, length of streak is a poor measure. Enjoyment matters more. Acceptance matters most.
UPDATE: Life got in the way. This is the good thing about a chastity lifestyle. When you don't get the sex, you can tell yourself that it was really a good thing, since you didn't end your streak, hehe.
If it does happen, let's enjoy it and not look at it as a kind of loss. Remember, length of streak is a poor measure. Enjoyment matters more. Acceptance matters most.
I will do a little update later on...
UPDATE: Life got in the way. This is the good thing about a chastity lifestyle. When you don't get the sex, you can tell yourself that it was really a good thing, since you didn't end your streak, hehe.
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