Diary of a nofap streak - Day 9: Calm

It would seem that my internal workings are settling back down to normal. No compulsive browsing of bdsm subs, no strong desire to look at nudeys. This jibes quite well with the finding of [that one study](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12659241/), which said that testosterone peaks in males after a week of abstinence, but then peters back to the levels before the abstinence. (I don't claim that this necessarily *is* the answer -- hormones are a complex topic and should not be reduced to one single factor, neat as it sounds, and purportedly the actual content of said study reflects that fact.)

There is still some work-related stress before the holidays, but it can be managed. Oh and I set up our new ikea bed all by myself - not normally something to brag about, but for a 49yo spastic some back pain, it's quite the feat.

I wonder if all my future posts will consider more or less of "nothing special". If so, a terribly uninteresting period lies ahead!

One thing though, is the deepness of breath. It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it, but there is this thing known as "transmutation of sexual energy" -  it feels like you're breathing the sexual powers from your genitals all through your body, and with prolongued chastity it tends to become "deeper", more "connected". The whole "I need to get laid right now" just kind of falls away, and it gets gradually replaced by a feeling of being connected with the universe. I totally understand where all the spiritual descriptions stem from - it really does feel that way, and if you don't activate your skepticism, you will likely fall for it. Even moreso if you need something "higher" to motivate you and keep you on the straight and narrow. It's very tempting.

I still think a lot of the good stuff has to do with "ego loss", which is just another word for letting go, and then letting go, and then letting go some more, all without forcing yourself. It allows you to get in touch with your fellow humans some more, probably being less in need of a filter composed of your projections. At least, that's the idea.

How can we turn struggle into pleasure?

In the past view days and weeks, I've seen quite a few weight loss videos. Some of which are more inspiring than others.

I really dig how people share their weight loss experiences on youtube. This is how social networks are supposed to work, in my view: building up support networks and helping each other on journeys of self-improvement.

One of the best youtube channels in this respect is Jumoke (http://www.youtube.com/feed/UCf2gJTH7ItjH0BUWmevtkIg). Huuuuge dude, with a good heart and a great sense of humor, who lost 50 lbs in 6 months and is still going strong.

Now, with my recent revelation about healthy and delicious food, I can't help but notice with some sadness one fact about many, many of those videos: They're often telling the story of a struggle. A fight. For example, there's these two fine ladies.

I sincerely wish the best for them. That they reach their goals and move on to live happier lives.

But, judging from my own experiences, it's not going to happen. I don't know how to put this in a way that is not disavowing or dismissive, which is one reason why I didn't put it in a youtube comment. They will last for a month or maybe two, and then they'll bounce back. It is my conviction that you will not succeed on a journey like this as long as you think of it as a fight. I mean, maybe other people are just wired differently, but I cannot imagine how to go on, day to day, with a practice you secretly loathe.

Once you discover the pleasures of whatever it is you're doing, it gets easy. Almost a bit too easy in a way. It's hard to believe, some days, that, yes, I found the way to sustain a healthy diet. After I spent at least 5 or 6 years trying ever so hard to find that way, without making any progress whatsoever.

Tantra, to me, is (among other things) a way to turn meditation into pleasure. Of course I will practice my breathing, if it is one way to get pleasure, whenever I want it, wherever I want it, completely for free!

So, the big question is: How can you turn the challenges you're facing into pleasure? How can you find pleasurable aspects in your chores - taking out the trash, doing the dishes, working at your job, etc.

I have not, as of yet, found a way to generalize my experience with tantra and food to other areas. I'm fairly certain that there is one, and I'm almost sure it has to do with self-empathy, self-love and mindfulness.

One lesson I took from these past few weeks is that it is not always a linear process. Years and years of struggle, and then one youtube video changed it all. So I guess that the struggle is one necessary part of the trip. Maybe it's life's way of "softening us up" so we're prepared for the one sudden revelation. Okay, that's metaphysical b.s., admittedly. But maybe something is actually happening on the psychological level while we're going through all that struggle. The big question is: what is it? What can we learn about it? Can we speed up the process? Or maybe it is all about not doing that, about just giving in to whatever happens?

One big guessing game.

I will keep you posted as I find out more.

Empathy

Recently, I read an article about the (ab)use of railways in the nazi genocide. Now, there is a lot to say about that, but I would like to focus on one specific half-sentence that spoke of the jews "...whose biographies didn't count in that murderous nazi system".

I think that there is more wisdom in these few words than, probably, even their own writer was aware of.

When we start to listen to what other people have to say about their own lives, this creates empathy. It does so automatically, perhaps by way of our mirror neurons firing away. Whatever the mechanism, I think that it is next to impossible not to develop that empathy - provided you actually listen to the other person, instead of silently judging and negating their every word.

Have you ever noticed how people will sometimes say, "I'm NOT AT ALL INTERESTED in your problems!"

My guess is that, when we do that, we fight with all our power, in order to avoid that empathy. Because we think that it will weaken us. Because it gets pretty damn hard to sack that employee, denounce that bitchy secretary, walk away from that beggar, press that poison needle into that death row prisoner's arm, or to kill off that jew like he was sub-human, once you have started to understand their motivations and their lives. Once you've seen their old childhood photos, read their first love letter, heard tales of their marriage, and how worried they were when their firstborn son had this accident with his bicycle, or suffered from the measles and wouldn't recognize his own mother in his high fever.

Now, I'm not saying that empathy with others is always, at any time, the best option. We have to care for ourselves first. "If you can't help yourself, you can't help others" is a very wise saying indeed - of buddhist origin, as far as I know. If I give my money to every beggar who approaches me on the street, I'll be out of money soon, and probably won't have achieved all that much.

But empathy is what keeps us from becoming monsters, our fellow men's wolves, genocidal True Believers.

And there is yet another good news: Empathy is like a muscle. It can be practiced.

And I wholeheartedly believe that we all could use some more of that practice!