It is clear that my desire for bdsm scenarios isn't met in my life. Some of my fantasies remain unrealized. As I delve deeper into being deprived of sexual satisfaction (of my own accord of course), those urges get stronger.
This is a good time to reflect on what those needs are, and what that means.
Fantasies are just fantasies. They do not hurt nor help, they are not by themselves agents. Not living a fantasy is not lethal.
So if there is a real need, then that need is something that resides in, or cloaks itself with that fantasy.
How do we tease it out?
Let's explore it (I'll be speaking the language of bdsm and omit the scare quotes from hereonafter):
I want my wife to enforce my chastity. I want my sexual desire to be completely focused on my wife, to a point where serving her - including, but going way beyond mere sexual bedroom games - becomes more than a need - an absolute, inescapable, fundamental requirement of my being. I want her to exploit that way in somewhat sadistic and mean, but also romantic and tender and loving ways. I want our relationship to grow deeper and more intimate through it.
So far the fantasy.
What would be a good question to ask, in general, to get from the fantasy to the need?
How about this: "If a fairy entered your flat overnight, and in the morning the fantasy suddenly became a reality - what, to your mind, would actually change in your life, on a real level?" *)
Our sex life would be much hotter and more intense than it is now - which is something we both strive for, and life does its best to thwart our efforts (sometimes one side wins, sometimes the other).
I would have lots of work that I don't do now - household chores, errands, groceries, the laundry.
I would do it with love and pleasure. I would grow as a human being, be a bit closer to "enlightenment" (fwiw), ultimately more liberated, less bound.
I would be freed of the privilege, but also the burden, of my own orgasm. In bed, I would have the utter privilge to be solely focused on her pleasure, and her pleasure only.
I would be able to proudly say that she actually has less work because of me - not more, as is often the case because of my workload and because I make more money.
My need for serving another being, and my need to have my sexuality cared for, controlled and validated by somebody who loves me dearly, would be SEEN and taken seriously.
Hmm. Enough for today. It's a good posting. I'm proud of it. Maybe I should start to export these postings into my personal blog in the near future. I feel like this journey merits some form of textual preservation.
*) See Coaching and Counseling Interventions 101 - "The Fairy Question".
Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/
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