Diary of a nofap streak - Day 12: Not really that hard, but probably boring

I'm thinking... maybe the reason why people end their "streaks" is not because they can't stand the arousal anymore, or because their spouses beg them for sexy time. Maybe it just gets boring after a while. You can't focus on on not having orgasms for the rest of your life. It's just not that interesting in and of itself.

In general, my interests seem to shift about every other week. For a long time, I tried to tackle that by forcing me to keep with one thing. That didn't work out at all. For example, I would be sitting with my latest literary text, and just... no words would come, I would get irritated, start looking around for other things to do, find excuses... By now, I try to always have at least one literary project, one coding project, and one book to read, so I can switch them up. This works quite well.

Just to find one more thing related to chastity: The language of "energy". I have ranted about this quite a lot in the past - mostly because I often encounter a kind of intellectual rigidity, and because I can't seem to manage to explain my position to people in a way that doesn't alienate them. And it's a shame because I feel we could all profit from sharing our notes.

I haven't found any proof of special sexual energies in the body. What I found, was a feeling that can be metaphorically described as an "energy" - just like we talk about "warm fuzzy feelings" or "getting cold feet". We don't think that our body temperature actually changes locally to any signifcant amount just because we have romantic emotions, or some mild panic. In the same vein, I see no reason to presume, based on my own experiences and whatever I know about human anatomy, that the "energy" is anything but a psychomotor effect. So I accept "kundalini", "energy", "qi" as more or less apt metaphors for something we do with our body/minds. Works for me, anyway.

What I seem to encounter, over and over again, are people who desparately need to convince me that there is some reality to it. And I want to convince them - wait for it - NOT that they are wrong, but that that belief is unnecessary for us to talk about our experiences. The experiences are exactly the same (I guess) regardless of our interpretation. Or not. In order to determine that, we have to first establish common ground. And that seems impossible to do.

I think this goes to a larger issue. I'm not going to drag religion and politics into this... but it seems like these are fundamentally similar issues. I think identity politcs, groupthink and tribalism play a part in this.

We're all massively identified with our own positions. That goes for those interlocutors, that goes for myself. It seems almost impossible to just present a point, explain how I got there, compare notes, and be done with it. It always escalates into anger and name-calling and you-just-don't-get-it, and whatever.

I tried a lot about that. Nothing ever works.

I would love to have a debate about "kundalini energy" - but purely on the meta level. I would like some people from the "it's real" crowd and some from the "it's just a metaphor" group (do you even exist? Hello...? HELLO!!!?) to talk about how we could talk about our common experiences, our paths and detours, without getting all riled up and dragged into debates about semantics.

I face a very similar issue when it comes to religion. There are those who believe in it - and there are those who think it's all bullcrap and just throw it away. I'm somewhere in between. I don't believe in it, but I think it's a fundamentally important part of the human condition, it's endlessly fascinating and we should study it in-depth - which I have been doing all my adult life. And it frustrates me to no and how there is no way to communicate across group boundaries without a fight.

---

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 11: Looking forward to the unknown

Second to last day before my holidays. I can't wait.

I'm quite certain that I won't break the streak on my own. Right now it doesn't seem appealing to me at all. That might change of course. Tomorrow night, going out and getting wasted is a given, an obligation, a holy deed. Strange as it might seem, more often than not this does not trigger the urge for sweet self-love. I just go home and fall asleep.

So, sex with my most lovely wife, which is bound to happen this weekend or during the next week. There's a bit of ambivalence on her part about the whole anorgasmic-sex thing: on the one hand, she gets to get off, moreso than otherwise. She cherishes the improved intimacy. On the other hand, she likes to feel me cum inside her, and I understand and respect that. I'm not at a place where I would outright ask her to dispense with it, and the bdsm "make me wait" trope is hard to do because she just ain't dominant. She will indulge me sometimes, but it really ain't her true self. Then again, holidays sometimes have changed our dynamic quite a bit, there was more room for experimentation, so who knows what will happen.

Many cards are still in the deck, it would seem.

It would be lovely to go on without any orgasm until at the end of August. (I admit part of my motivation is to prove that, no, strange women will not start drooling over me, I won't suddenly have supermuscles, and I won't start flying around town.)

As for habits in general, and gaining motivation, I created a little habit tracker for myself - just your basic online php/mysql thingie, not even an app - and it helped me a lot. The sheer act of writing it down, and seeing the stats, helped me eat better, read and write more, and keep with the nofap.

I guess I've stopped believing in the mantra of concrete, tangible goals. It would seem that I do quite well with "I would like to write some more". Goals like "writing three times a week" always run the risk of leading to frustration and resignation with me. I think it's a question of character type. Some can only do it with very strict rules, while others deal better with some leniency.

---

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 10: Some days it's hard to write

I had a wonderful breathing/meditation/tantra session last night. I didn't even start touching myself at all, didn't go for edging or anything. It felt much calmer this way, very relaxing, and got me to drift off to sleep in the midst of a thunderstorm.

Still got out on the wrong side of the bed today -- and it's a new bed straight outta ikea too! Got some headache going on, am in no mood to write or do anything much. I'm in need of holidays! So looking forward to next week.

On the other hand, no incentive to end the streak. Strange thing too. Normally, when things get rough, chastity is one of the first things to fall by the wayside, because wanking is a quick, easy release. I think writing this thread helps me keep up the motivation - even though I realize that no more than a handful of people will ever read it.

It would be lovely to have some form of accountability community where people call you out if you miss a day. Hard to do though, since nobody can enforce it. But I think it might help with a lot of habits people try to establish.

---

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 9: Calm

It would seem that my internal workings are settling back down to normal. No compulsive browsing of bdsm subs, no strong desire to look at nudeys. This jibes quite well with the finding of [that one study](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12659241/), which said that testosterone peaks in males after a week of abstinence, but then peters back to the levels before the abstinence. (I don't claim that this necessarily *is* the answer -- hormones are a complex topic and should not be reduced to one single factor, neat as it sounds, and purportedly the actual content of said study reflects that fact.)

There is still some work-related stress before the holidays, but it can be managed. Oh and I set up our new ikea bed all by myself - not normally something to brag about, but for a 49yo spastic some back pain, it's quite the feat.

I wonder if all my future posts will consider more or less of "nothing special". If so, a terribly uninteresting period lies ahead!

One thing though, is the deepness of breath. It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it, but there is this thing known as "transmutation of sexual energy" -  it feels like you're breathing the sexual powers from your genitals all through your body, and with prolongued chastity it tends to become "deeper", more "connected". The whole "I need to get laid right now" just kind of falls away, and it gets gradually replaced by a feeling of being connected with the universe. I totally understand where all the spiritual descriptions stem from - it really does feel that way, and if you don't activate your skepticism, you will likely fall for it. Even moreso if you need something "higher" to motivate you and keep you on the straight and narrow. It's very tempting.

I still think a lot of the good stuff has to do with "ego loss", which is just another word for letting go, and then letting go, and then letting go some more, all without forcing yourself. It allows you to get in touch with your fellow humans some more, probably being less in need of a filter composed of your projections. At least, that's the idea.

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 8: Pride

I feel proud for having made the first week. At the same time, I feel slightly silly for being proud. I've been there before. It keeps getting easier, and it keeps getting better.

It feels the better, the less pressure I put upon myself. This is a perfect opportunity to re-evaluate the performance-oriented model of chastity: people comparing streaks and meticulously noting benefits. The obsession with results is the opposite of what I'm trying to accomplish. Thinking back,  my whole submissiveness, my tantra, my chastity -- it was all about letting go of the goal-oriented model.

Not that goals are bad, mind you. Only when they turn into obsession, is when we have an issue. And in the modern, capitalist, patriarchal society, they do so very predictably, almost inevitably, and in a very ugly, destructive way. I think that a lot of the ugliness of current mainstream porn comes from that focus.

Something I'm even more proud of, is that we had anorgasmic sex again last night. I suspect my wife suspects that I'm on chastity again, what with the amped-up attention and sexy times. We haven't talked about it yet, for lack of downtime.

She came home from work - what a lovely inversion of our old dynamic! - I licked the sweat off her whole body, gave her head for a sweet long time, entered her and rested in her. It was precious. There was no pressure to cum, and then it just kind of... ended, when we both felt it was time. We spent the rest of the evening next to each other, each one doing his/her thing, sometimes exchanging a few words and glances and kisses. I made a point of not letting her do any work until bedtime. (She feeds the cats at night, and any attempt at taking that away would lead to trouble.) I will try to increase that further, as much as I can. This is a practice in jumping over one's shadow, letting go of a bit of ego. Which can never be detrimental.

I feel like "anorgasmic sex" is too clinical a term. It's much closer to "making love" in an almost literal sense, than "normal" sex. It's incredibly tender, obviously it's very slow, very intimate. At the same time, it is in some way very animalistic.

I feel incredibly motivated to please and serve, and in a somewhat ironic twist, it doesn't feel submissive (as in bdsm), it just feels RIGHT. Not an obligation, but a privilege. Like this is what I truly want, always have wanted: to serve another human being - not necessarily in a kinky way only, but on a very real, fundamentally human level.

Funny how kink can turn one into a monk.

Some recommendations for evaluating your practice.

If you chance upon some form of practice - spiritual, personal development, otherwise - why would you want to evaluate if it actually works, when you can just go with it and see what happens? Here are some reasons: Because you've fallen for charlatans before. Because you have to invest your time and money, and both are precious to you. Because you know humans are biased. Simply because you're curious, and you want to know how the world actually works.

So... do you want to know if it really works, or do you just want to feel good? Both are fine, but if you do the latter, please don't pretend like you know. Be honest with yourself and others.

Journal your experiences.

Do you journal only the affirming experiences, or do you try to write down the negative too? Again, both can be good practice, but you need to be clear, be honest. Don't lie to yourself.

When you look for external proof, actively try to find sources that contradict, criticize, debunk your practice. Repeat that process after a while. New research may have surfaced, and your experience might have sharpened your eye.

Ask yourself: What do I do to account for the placebo effect? What do I do to counter my biases - most importantly, how do I deal with selection and confirmation bias?

Don't keep to your social media bubble. Try to actively seek out places where you are likely to encounter opposition, criticism, skepticism.

Do you try to be in-line with up-to-date, peer-reviewed science? If not, do you openly admit this being the case? Don't quote scientific literature if it agrees with you, but then when challenged, retreat to "it's not science, it's a lifestyle", "I really don't care about science" or somesuch.

Do check from time to time whether the ideas behind your practice are consistent with the rest of your worldview and generally accepted facts.

Perhaps the most important recommendation: Start prefacing your claims with "I think", "It might be the case", "I suspect", "I'm very confident" etc. Whenever you can, add the reason for why you think this way. It might seem silly, but it will change the way you relate to your own ideas - you train yourself to apportion your beliefs to the evidence and have good reasons for believing in them. I.e., it will make you more rational.

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 7: Just some rambling thoughts

Last night when my wife got home, we sat beside each other in bed and I massaged her feet, just like that, no pretension or demand. A soft, tender, romantic moment. I asked her if she wanted me to give her head, which she declined. I'll do that more often from now on. As I mentioned before, the old routine of her doing all the chores needs to be broken - and then broken again, and again, since it tends to re-establish itself.

I woke up depressed and anxious.

Two hours later, I'm back in high productivity, for which I am happy and thankful. Collecting ideas for my novel, watching a few videos, writing, reading... it's good. There's always this tendency to procrastinate on the actual writing though. Which is kind of odd, since when I'm in the flow, it feels truly great.

One shouldn't forget though that rest is important. It's a sunday. There has to be some down-time.

I feel like I'm cheating just a little bit, because I write those "daily journal entries" in the morning. Well duh.

I feel like stubborn irrationality still gets me too much. I feel sad for people who stick to their guns no matter what. Of course, biases affect us all. Permanently checking and re-checking one's favourite ideas is a heck of a lot of work, but it's the best we can do in order to believe as many true and as few false things as possible.

What is my own piece of wood in this particular fire, my dog in this fight? I'm totally trying to advocate the idea of apportioning the belief to the evidence, proudly admitting that "I think this... becase...", "I have a hunch... based only on my experience...", "I read this in this book, which I think is reliable because..."

You know, just this simple trick of always indicating one's level of confidence, and giving at least one reason why one thinks so. I think this would solve a lot of problems in debates, because it gives the other person the opportunity to check your claims and bring up issues with it.

Changing one's mind is good! Being corrected is good, because afterwards, you're closer to the truth.

Today's crazy idea: SR was an invention of feminists who wanted guys to suffer. What better way to get them to suffer, than to lure them in with the elusive promise of more pussy? "Oh, you just deprive yourself of satisfaction for only 90 days, then you'll have more dark-eyed houris than you can count!" LOL.

I see no reason to break the streak.

I re-read a little book on female-led relationships. Keeping up the mindset, wallowing in it like an elephant in dung, playing around with ideas and far-fetched concepts... it's a major part of the fun, to my mind.

We all live in a fantasy world anyway, might just as well make the fantasy pleasing to my sight.
It just occurred to me: It is really strange how people (i.e., males) practice chastity/nofap/SR for completely different, sometimes diametrically opposed reasons.

I wonder to what degree nofap is male dominated, and the chastity kink as well. I'm willing to bet it's like 90% a male thing.

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 6: Skepticism

It is true that I feel exhilarated. Thursday night still lingers with me, and while my wife and I momentarily don't get to see each other as much as we'd like due to life throwing stuff at us, when we do see each other there's a spark.

Last night was stressful and strenuous, we had new ikea furniture to unpack, an essential part was missing, we ended up falling into bed late at night... I still got up early this morning, I already got a bit of writing done and it isn't even noon --  which never ever happens on a saturday! Keeping the chaste is incredibly easy right now. There is no temptation. The horniness I feel, mostly in my prostate, is breathed throughout the body, and it all feels very good, even blissful.

So - win for the streak team right? Nofap works! Benefits are real! Semen contains the energy! If you preserve it, your skin will start to glow! Scientists in the 19th century said so, as well as hindu gurus from 3000 years ago!

Well... yeah, no. Really, no.

I actually keep a habits diary (of my own coding, hehe). My current streak of writing and increased productivity began BEFORE the chastity. So if anything, the productivity boost enabled the semen-retention, not the other way around. It is easier to allow myself the pleasurable feelings because I know I'm more productive, so I can grant myself some time just enjoying. Not to mention that there's a holiday coming up, I'm a bit more relaxed with my day job -- after 18 months, I just know how to deal with it better. Plus, I've been through chastity streaks before, I know what's in store, and that makes it easier to deal with.

It all goes back to my "spiral theory". It doesn't matter much WHERE you start to change, as long as you do. Positive change in one place almost inevitably triggers positive change all over.

I should also mention that it's not entirely true that ALL has changed for the better. I eat terrible food right now because of our interior redesign and because my back is in a terrible shape, so standing up is painful, and cooking is not an option. All of this will be dealt with of course -

Why am I going on about this? Because I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of wishful thinking: "I made this one change, I stopped wanking, around which, let's admit it, we all have some shame - and now my life is entirely different, I feel so much bliss - so I'm going to draw the conclusion that it's the nofap that causes all that change, and then I will steadfastly refuse to take in any more information, and I will be a rightful semenretention apologist, and everybody who has doubts is a cumhead and a notorious wanker and can just bugger off." I think that this is destructive, hurtful and bound to fail. One reason for writing this diary, is to present a somewhat better, more scrutinous, more careful and skeptical way of going about a nofap/sr streak.

Still, I gotta say... The best sex of my life happened on thursday, and it was anorgasmic (for me) and multiple-orgasmic (for my wife). There is undoubtedly something to that, at least if you're a denial-craving subbie like me.

---

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 5: Euphoria

This is the day I feel absolutely amped up, high-voltage, blissful and exhilarated.

Last night, my wife and I went out to dinner. I drank a few beers and a good Laphroaig Quarter Cask. We went home. We were both hungry for each other, horny and starved for each other.

Yeah, slightly drunken sex after 4 days of chastity. Sounds like a winner, right!

We started our normal routine. I gave her head. I love love love her smell and taste! Only, this time, it was different... I was so focused, so devoted to the act... normally, after an orgasm, my wife wants me to give her a little while to settle down because her clit is too sensitive for any more action. This time, it was possible to rest my tongue on her lovely clit, and after a little while I gently started moving again.

After three orgasms, she had enough. I asked her if she wanted me inside her, she said yes, I fucked her.

For whatever reason, this time I managed with ease what normally eludes me, or at least requires enormous effort and focus. I moved in her, we enjoyed moments of intense intimacy and pleasure, then I thanked her and moved out again, and we cuddled for a while.

It was glorious and wonderful, and so satisfying!

Anorgasmic sex during a period of chastity is simply the best, I tells ya!

What I enjoy most about this is how it makes for more intimacy, better connection. I don't think it's the horniness alone (which makes me more motivated and eager for sure!). There is something else. A deepness. A richness. An abundance. Knowing I won't come takes some burden off my shoulders. It makes me feel free to explore, take my time, be relaxed. I really dig this.

I also have to say: As always after a few days, I feel like I want this to go on for a long time, possibly forever. Never cumming again, always being in that horny, elevated state, eager to please and focused on my wife.

Feelings come and go. Things change. Life happens. This is okay. This is to be expected. For the time being, I am utterly enjoying this. We'll see how long it lasts.

---

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 4: The day the need becomes obvious

It is clear that my desire for bdsm scenarios isn't met in my life. Some of my fantasies remain unrealized. As I delve deeper into being deprived of sexual satisfaction (of my own accord of course), those urges get stronger.

This is a good time to reflect on what those needs are, and what that means.

Fantasies are just fantasies. They do not hurt nor help, they are not by themselves agents. Not living a fantasy is not lethal.

So if there is a real need, then that need is something that resides in, or cloaks itself with that fantasy.

How do we tease it out?

Let's explore it (I'll be speaking the language of bdsm and omit the scare quotes from hereonafter):

I want my wife to enforce my chastity. I want my sexual desire to be completely focused on my wife, to a point where serving her - including, but going way beyond mere sexual bedroom games - becomes more than a need - an absolute, inescapable, fundamental requirement of my being. I want her to exploit that way in somewhat sadistic and mean, but also romantic and tender and loving ways. I want our relationship to grow deeper and more intimate through it.

So far the fantasy.

What would be a good question to ask, in general, to get from the fantasy to the need?

---

How about this: "If a fairy entered your flat overnight, and in the morning the fantasy suddenly became a reality - what, to your mind, would actually change in your life, on a real level?" *)

Our sex life would be much hotter and more intense than it is now - which is something we both strive for, and life does its best to thwart our efforts (sometimes one side wins, sometimes the other).

I would have lots of work that I don't do now - household chores, errands, groceries, the laundry.

I would do it with love and pleasure. I would grow as a human being, be a bit closer to "enlightenment" (fwiw), ultimately more liberated, less bound.

I would be freed of the privilege, but also the burden, of my own orgasm. In bed, I would have the utter privilge to be solely focused on her pleasure, and her pleasure only.

I would be able to proudly say that she actually has less work because of me - not more, as is often the case because of my workload and because I make more money.

---

My need for serving another being, and my need to have my sexuality cared for, controlled and validated by somebody who loves me dearly, would be SEEN and taken seriously.

---

Hmm. Enough for today. It's a good posting. I'm proud of it. Maybe I should start to export these postings into my personal blog in the near future. I feel like this journey merits some form of textual preservation.

---

*) See Coaching and Counseling Interventions 101 - "The Fairy Question".

---

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Diary of a nofap streak - day 3

I will try and keep up these daily postings, for as long as possible. I think this might be good "spiritual" practice, actually. A bit of reflection. I will likely end it when I choose to break the streak.

This is the day of excitement, arousal, horniness. There is a bit of apprehension, and there is restlessness. It helps (and doesn't) that I'm looking forward to my summer holidays, that we are redesigning the flat, and other intense stuff going on in our lives.

My writing is going great since yesterday. The avid semenretentionist would jubilate in the validation of his beliefs, but me being the skeptic, and not that much interested in "retaining the energy", I think that first, two days in a row ain't that much, second, it has happened before, even while wanking twice a day, and three, correlation ain't causation. I did look at titillating pix more than usual, and perused the bdsm subs, but that's to be expected - I always do that a few days after I gently slip into a new "streak". It's basic horniness, is all.
I did a few bdsm-y "exercises", i.e. I "trained" with the buttplug, to limited success lol. Now I'm sitting on my bed doing tantra stuff, i.e. "breathing through the anus", a.k.a. kegels plus breathing, and I'm doing two more hours of writing. It's quite good, all in all!

---

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Diary of a nofap streak - day 2: Yes, this is good. Yes, I'm going with it for a while.

I have no clue why it is this way, now. Well... I might have. Less work stress, the holidays ahead, more yoga, better food...

There is a connection.

You know the old esoteric saying that "everything is connected with everything else"?

That is bullshit, of course. Lots of things don't have any causal connection whatsoever. Causality only works one way in time, for one thing...

Anyway, many things in our lives really ARE connected, interconnected to a degree that warrants the generalisation: "It is all connected", albeit not in a literal, strict sense... just as a general gist.

There is, obviously, a connection between your food and your wellbeing. There is a connection between being overworked and emotional turmoil.

I like to picture it as a coil, a spiral.

A spiral has two directions - upwards and downwards.

Emotional stress leads to less sex. Less sex leads to more frustration, which leads to bad food choices, which leads to bad overall wellbeing, which might lead to making mistakes, which leads to more stress... etc.

But it also works the other way around: More sex alleviates frustration, so there is less stress, better work, which leads to better food, etc.

It doesn't really matter much where the chain of causality starts. On the one hand, when life starts throwing shit at you, as it inevitably does, you are going to go down a few notches.

On the other hand, you can start to change at any point. Start cleaning up your relationship mess. Start having good sex. Start making healthier food choices. Reduce the workload. Whatever is easiest to do.

In the current particular case, I'm not sure what exactly triggered it - but that's fine. This one time, it seems to work in my favour! I'm not going to complain for sure.

---

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Diary of a nofap streak - day 1

(This is the introductory posting. I didn't plan to do a daily update at this point, so it's just me rambling a bit.)

---

Isn't it strange how the perceived needs in our sives wax and wane, come and go? One day, you can't do without a good wank, or even two or three... then something changes, and you feel like you could go on forever on that oddly satisfying feeling of chastity.

Oh, and I got myself banned from /r/pureretention. Yeah I was harsh on the guy, I know, maybe too harsh. I didn't do it out of spite. I just feel that sometimes, we have to push back against the nonsense, the grandiose claims of people who simply cannot have it any other way, who cannot accept opposition against their ideas, who cannot conduct a debate or admit that they don't know something, that it's just a hunch, just conjecture. Sometimes one can be lovely and sweet and soft. Sometimes, not so much. This was one of those times.
I think almost all that is said about chastity online, is just conjecture based on some preconceived ideas, some ideology, some personal experiences, a bit of reading here and there.

So is what I have to say. We're all in the dark. We sometimes catch glimpses of truth. Wonderful if that happens, but we should be wary of overselling it. The real real REAL Truth, the one with a capital T, is still out there. None of us has it.

It's not about overcoming - overcoming desire with willpower, overcoming addiction by strength. I'm sure there are guys who need just that - to learn that they have the ability to move past their simplest physical needs for a while, to shake a habit that has overwhelmed them.

For me, it's not about that. That's why I sometimes give in to temptation, why there will always be times of intense masturbation.

For me, moving past shame is at least as important as moving into the ability to deal with frustration and temptation. Yes, half a year of chastity would be nice. Half a year of chastity, supervised by my wife, would be incredible. Alas, it is not in my stars, and I accept that.

It is about accepting what is, just as it is. When the urge strikes, and I do not resist, that is what is happening right now, and I strive to accept it. When the urge comes, and I can breathe through it, then I want to accept that, too.
I want to learn to accept as much pleasure as possible, and to see arousal as pleasure. Ultimately, I want to see everything as a form of pleasure - even pain, even sadness, even loss - or as a form of neutral event that just happens. I doubt that one can get there through an act of resistance, of overpowering. I think the way is through self-acceptance, not force.

I won't be spending much willpower on overcoming an urge. I think overcoming, overpowering is counter-productive. I think willpower is massively overrated in general. It only works in the short run. For long-term success, we need something different, something soft, something flexible, adaptive, flowing - watery, not rocky; seductive rather than violent; a web of silk and trust and comfort, rather than an iron armor.

---

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/