Diary of a nofap streak - Day 31: A whole month

Funny feeling. July 19th was the last time I wanked off. In the meantime, I had two orgasms with my wife, and three times had sex without cumming.

A whole month. Of course, it's just an arbitrary number, but the way the human mind works, it feels special.  There is some pride, but more than that there is a deep kind of satisfaction.  When you abstain from something -- something you thought you needed, whatever it is, I guess -- it gives you a deeper understanding of your wants and needs. You connect with something important that way. It removes a barrier. Something like "opening up a chakra", to use one of those esoteric metaphors.  Conferring with your angel. Moving up the Tree of Life. I'm sure every religion, every culture has its own cherished expressions for it.

It becomes easier to differentiate your superficial wants from your actual needs. You have already experienced that you can live without it, so you can now focus on what really matters.

I'm back at work. The huge advantage is that I drink less. I never went for complete abstinence, but during vacations it tends to escalate a bit, and it's good to go back to normal.

Now the big challenge ahead: Apply the skill of mindful enjoyment to other areas. Maybe it is possible to eat less, eat healthier and more ecological, without engaging in willpower excesses, and while enjoying the food even more. Maybe the same goes for alcohol, for youtube, for a lot of things I'm not even aware of yet...

Maybe there is resistance to all those joys, based on self-loathing and deeply ingrained capitalist "ethics".

Maybe I should start to emply the "matrix" metaphor, "red pill" myself and become a total conspiracy nutjob, lol. In the general public's eye, it would be quite a fit...

I guess I got used to it by now.  It seems like I don't really want to masturbate anymore -- ever.  At the same time, I know from previous streaks that this, too, will pass. And that is perfectly fine.

Do not get attached to non-attachment!