Physical Self-Love Meditation: Week 3 - Let go of ejaculation

Monday: Let go of orgasm

From now on, for the rest of the course, you will stay away from ejaculating through
masturbation.

If you are in a relationship (or otherwise sexually active with others) and would prefer
to continue having sex, by all means do so. Of course, if you like, you can involve your
partners, maybe they want to take part and create their own routine...

It will happen still. If it does, enjoy it. This is not about perfectionism,
self-torture (except if you are into that of course), or about morals - this is about
realizing that the other way is as enjoyable, or even better, than the "getting-off"
type of masturbation that you were used to.

If you feel that you just have to, and the urge becomes unbearable, please just go for
it, and resume the routine on the next day.

It is very helpful to reduce your fantasies. You cannot force this, as fantasies just get
stronger if you push them away. This is where meditation comes in. It helps you
let go of the images.

Tuesday: No erection needed.

Meditate as usual.

Start your physical self-love.

Do touch yourself, but stop touching yourself whenever you have a full erection.

Aim for being flaccid most of the time.

How does it feel to touch your flaccid penis? How is it different from touching your
fully erect penis? What does it do to your psyche, your spirit? How does it feel in your body?

Wednesday: Flex PC on exhale

Meditate as usual.

Start your physical self-love.

Work with a flaccid penis.

On every exhale, flex your PC muscle.

Thursday: Relax on every inhale

Meditate as usual.

Start your physical self-love.

On every inhale, relax as much as possible. Imagine that you're "pushing out" the energy through the penis.

On every exhale, pull in your abdominal wall towards your spine

Friday: Engage your inner thighs

Meditate as usual.

Start your physical self-love.

On every inhale, relax as much as possible.

On every exhale, clench your inner thigh muscles.

Saturday: Combine PC and abdominal pull

Meditate as usual.

Start your physical self-love.

On the inhale, relax everything, push out through the penis.

On the exhale, pull in your abdominal wall and clench your PC muscle.

Sunday: Combine the muscle clenches

Meditate as usual.

Start your physical self-love.

On the inhale, relax everything, push out through the penis.

On the exhale, pull in your abdominal wall, clench your thighs, and clench your PC muscle.

Do you choose suffering?

Let us assume, for the moment, that you can escape all suffering by applying mindfulness. (I don't necessarily believe that, but I'll leave those details aside for now.)

You could then set up the following syllogism:

P1. You can escape suffering through mindfulness.

P2. You do not practice mindfulness.

C: Therefore, you choose to suffer.

With some malice, you can rephrase the conclusion:

C: Therefore, your suffering is your own fault.

Err, no.

That ignores one very important factor: You first have to know that there is indeed a way to mitigate suffering. You have to realize that mindfulness can help you. More than that, it is not enough to hear about it - you don't grasp its potential until you realize it from your own practice. And that comes at a huge cost: Time and patience.

Most of our culture, almost all of tv and youtube, all our upbringing teaches us the exact opposite: There is suffering, and you escape it by steadfastly ignoring it, or otherwise by bitching about it and blaming others. And benefits have to be immediate, or they are irrelevant.

In other words, the above syllogism ignores that you do not know about mindfulness, and it takes time and dedication to find out about it, and your ignorance is not your fault. For most of us (including yours truly), this means that we had to hit rock bottom before we were prepared to learn about practice.

Of course, now that I have practiced for a few years, I no longer have the excuse of ignorance. I still blame others, and I still blame myself, and I still do mindless stupid stuff - but each time I realize what I'm doing, I try and laugh a bit about my own stupidity, get back up and do some sitting.

Physical Self-Love Meditation: Week 2 - Go Slow

Monday - Wednesday: Reduce your fantasies

Meditate. Make it 20 minutes if possible, but any duration is good.

Do 5 minutes of PC muscle exercise right after your meditation.

Masturbate for a while without ejaculation. Try and focus on your physical feelings, rather than fantasizing.

Now, switch those fantasies into high gear. Take note of the difference, how it changes
your arousal and your ability to keep from ejaculating.

As you come, take note of what muscles are involved in it -- where those delicious, involuntary little spasms occur. Thighs? Anal sphincter? Toes? Belly? ... Take note of them all.

Thursday - Sunday: A new kind of caressing

Meditate. Make it 20 minutes if possible, but any duration is good.

Do 5 minutes of PC muscle exercise right after your meditation.

Integrate your PC muscle exercise into your daily life. You can do them every time you go to the bathroom. You can even do them in the subway, on the ride to the office!

Start your masturbation like you normally do.

Use lube freely. Don't stint it.

Instead of going straight for the head, stroke only the shaft of your penis. Avoid the head as much as possible.

Go as slow as possible, and try not to ejaculate, but if it happens, it happens.

You might feel disappointed or as if you're losing out. Don't worry -- the adventures that lie ahead will more than compensate for that.

BDSM: So you REALLY want to make your sub suffer, huh? (NSFW, very very VERY NSFW!!!!)

Danger danger danger. NSFW, very very VERY NSFW sadomasostuff ahead!!!! Danger danger danger.

You have been warned.

Here's your sub's new diet, for one week:

SUNDAY

• Breakfast: Porridge, made of water and oats and nothing else, prepared the night before and served at room temperature.
• Lunch: Roasted, unsalted nuts and seeds. Sugar free, low-fat yoghurt
• Dinner: Steamed potatoes. Add assorted body liquids to taste. No salt or spices or anything else.

MONDAY

• Breakfast: Porridge, made of water and oats and nothing else, prepared the night before and served at room temperature.
• Lunch: Steamed brokkoli and brussels sprouts. No salt or spices or anything else of the kind.
• Dinner: Mixed salads, with lemon juice for a dressing. No salt or spices or vinegar or oil or anything else of the kind.

TUESDAY

• Breakfast: Porridge, made of water and oats and nothing else, prepared the night before and served at room temperature.
• Lunch: Steamed mixed vegetables. No salt or spices or anything else of the kind.
• Dinner: Steamed potatoes. Add assorted body liquids to taste. No salt or spices or anything else.

WEDNESDAY

• Breakfast: Porridge, made of water and oats and nothing else, prepared the night before and served at room temperature.
• Lunch: Sugar free, low-fat yoghurt, one apple, one grapefruit.
• Dinner: Steamed lean beef. Add assorted body liquids to taste. No salt or spices or anything else.

THURSDAY

• Breakfast: Porridge, made of water and oats and nothing else, prepared the night before and served at room temperature.
• Lunch: Raw vegetable sticks (from cucumbers and carrots). No salt or spices or anything else of the kind.
• Dinner: A bowl of rice. No salt or spices or anything else.

FRIDAY

• Breakfast: Porridge, made of water and oats and nothing else, prepared the night before and served at room temperature. 
• Lunch: Steamed chicken breast.
• Dinner: Steamed lean fish. Add assorted body liquids to taste. No salt or spices or anything else of the kind.

SATURDAY

• Breakfast: porridge, made of water and oats and nothing else, prepared the night before and served at room temperature.
• Lunch: A bowl of steamed peas, carrots, and potatoes, prepared the night before and served at room temperature.
• Dinner: If they made it, a full-blown steak dinner at a fancy restaurant of the sub's choosing, top's treat. (Otherwise, you're single again, so don't bother.)

For drinks, we offer a rich assortment of tap water, stale weak instant coffee (without milk or sugar), various sorts of stale herbal tea, or pomegranate juice, mixed 1:5 with - you guessed it! - tap water.

After that week, I'm sure they'll beg for your mercy, they'll swear to do everything right, and they'll never again forget the groceries, ever. They'll also have lost about 5 pounds.

Or else, they might go on a 4 week water fast, gain enlightenment, and leave you.

Just in case it's not obvious enough, this is a joke. Do not radically change people's diets willy-nilly, especially not if they are diabetics such as myself, or otherwise deal with chronic illness. A person's diet is nothing to meddle with. I just enjoyed making it up, that's all.

With that disclaimer out of the way, frankly this sounds like a pretty healthy, though not exactly tasty diet for one week. I might give it a try at some point, with a few adjustments for my diabetes, and sans the body liquids.

I stopped worrying about god, and you should too

https://xkcd.com/386/

For a long time, I was one of those pesky "New Atheists", fervently denying that that label had any significance (it doesn't), arguing rationalism on social media and defending against all types of fallacies.

This blog is a testament to that: See the labels atheism, bible, catholicism.

By the end of 2017, I changed.

What happened?

I rediscovered meditation and molded it into a serious formal habit.

I discovered stoicism and integrated it with my meditation.

I restarted my solo tantric activities.

As a result of all that, I took what I like to call the "sacred STFU vows". That means that I try to not engage in any debates, unless I have something useful to contribute.

There are two parts to this:

I try not to engage in any debates...

I don't debate my colleagues on their political views.

I rarely intervene on online forums about theism and atheism.

I don't even look at youtube comments anymore.

I basically logged off facebook, looking at it maybe once a week.

(Reddit remains my addiction of choice. I haven't given up on that one yet... probably will, later this year.)

There are challenges.

When a friend puts his antifeminism to me, I would like to stay calm, maybe react in a compassionate way, but not kindle the fire. What really happens is that, in person, I do engage in the discussion -- especially if there are beers involved -- while online, I don't react at all. Both are not exactly optimal. I'm working on it.

What I have gained by all that is more clarity, less useless outrage, a certain kind of "proud humility" and better insight into what matters.

What I mean by "proud humility" is the realization that I don't have to proclaim my wisdom all the time. I know what I know, I know what I believe, and if I keep it to myself for the time being, the world will revolve around itself just as it did before. Sounds humble? Well, it is also disciplined, and I take pride in my discipline.

It made me realize that I don't HAVE to engage all the time. I can refrain from it. I can click that link about money and sexual energy, then feel my gut reaction of "Durr, have to comment, have to destroy, krurrr murrrr", and let it go. There is incredible freedom in that ability. And it can be trained. All it takes is an act of nonaction.

Now, for the second part of my vow... "unless I have something useful to contribute".

Note that I did not say "something positive". There is an important distinction here.  Criticism, even negative criticism, has its place.

Of course, I can't always resist. I do comment. Way less than before, but I sometimes do.

My goal is to comment only when I feel there is no anger, and much compassion instead.

These past weeks, I had a few moments when I was there. I think those of my comments were worthwile. They make me proud. They might have helped people. And that is just a very, very good feeling.

As for god... I'm not sure. Maybe I'm not that advanced yet. I still feel a bit of frustration sometimes. But mostly, I have come to realize that those debates are utterly useless; tired old repetitions of the same 5 or 6 arguments, again and again. I'm not up for that anymore. I have better things to do.

So, should atheists refrain from debating christians?

In general, no. We are a social species, we need to communicate. But social media have made all that quabbling and quibbling and railing and wailing get way out of hand.

You need to put yourself back in the driver's seat.

If you feel that you might have gotten too far into #someone_s_wrong_on_the_internet territory, I suggest you take some time off. Get some distance.  Gain perspective.  Become aware of the emotions you put into those debates.  Ask yourself, what emotions do you want to experience? Ask yourself, what happens to you in those debates?  Ask yourself whether those two line up.  If they don't, it might be time for a change in strategy.

Physical Self-Love Meditation: Overview

Over the last 15 years or so, I developed my own little "method" of (somewhat) tantric self-love from meditation, tantra, taoist teachings and my own experience. Whenever I try to describe my method online, I get the feedback that it is terribly complicated. Too many elements, too much to think of.

I agree!  But I can't pick it apart. All the elements work together to create the kind of bliss I now get to experience on a daily basis. My life is better for it, I would like to share it, but I realize that it can be overwhelming at first. So I set out to create a course which will guide you in adding element after element, one by one. I'm putting it out there on this blog, for the time being. Eventually, I hope to turn this into a well-structured website with additional information on my sources and links to more knowledge. Maybe an ebook, maybe a gofondme, we'll see...

I wrote this for guys (i.e., beings with a penis, whatever you prefer to be called), for the simple reason that I am a guy, I don't have a woman's body, and I have not much knowledge of how it works for women.

Here are the links to the weekly pages, as far as already posted:

• Introduction 
• Week 1: Establish mindfulness
• Week 2: Go slow
• Week 3: Let go of orgasm  
• Week 4: Visualize the energy
• Week 5: Let it go all around  
• Week 6: Have fun!

For feedback or questions, email me at betlamed@gmail.com.

Physical Self-Love Meditation: Week 1 - Establish Mindfulness

This week, you will still be in "normal masturbation" mode. You will ejaculate at the end of your self-love. We just add a few little gimmicks to prepare you for what's to come next.

Monday: Assess where you are right now

Get into a calm state. Meditate, or take a bath, whatever helps you.

Switch off your mobile, make sure you will not be interrupted.

If you don't have it already, buy some quality lube. It makes a lot of difference.

Prepare your masturbation ritual. Fetch the lube, if you use it, prepare the tissues,

Make your bed - whatever you need to be comfortable.

Masturbate as you usually do.

While masturbating, take note of all your feelings, your fantasies, the way you use your hand, what gets you off. As you approach orgasm, what muscles can you feel? Do you feel something in your belly? In your feet? Do you curl your toes? Does your skin tingle? Is there warmth, cold? Do you make noises? Take note of all those things.

Tuesday: Locate your PC muscle, and start training it

Instead of describing it myself, I give you a few links to a good resource.

How to find your PC muscle: https://www.liveabout.com/how-do-i-find-my-pc-muscle-2983274
PC muscle exercises: https://www.liveabout.com/how-to-do-kegel-exercises-2982440

That site recommends NOT engaging the abdomen. I think this is a good idea if you're trying to isolate the muscle, but as you'll see, I use the abdominal wall very consciously in my practice. If in doubt, find the difference and find what works best for you.

Wednesday - Sunday: Meditate, masturbate, feel

Meditate. Make it 20 minutes if possible, but any duration is good.

This is not a contest. It's not about meditating as much as possible. In my experience, a certain "switch" occurs at roughly 20 minutes. But meditation thrives by repetition, regularity -- it's better to meditate for 5 minutes each day, than for 2 hours at irregular intervals.

Why meditate?

In the context of physical self-love, meditation helps us establish mindfulness. When we are mindful, we feel our body and its reactions. Ths is the very foundation... We learn how not to cross the line, how to distinguish orgasm from ejaculation, how to feel orgasmic ecstasy even when there is no sex involved.

Do 5 minutes of PC muscle exercise right after the meditation.

Masturbate as normal. Feel the erotic energy running through in your body while you're doing so. Try to feel your Point of No Return, but don't try to delay ejaculation.

Physical Self-Love Meditation: Introduction

What is the goal of this course?

Over the last 15 years or so, I developed my own little "method" of (somewhat) tantric self-love from meditation, tantra, taoist teachings and my own experience. Whenever I try to describe my method online, I get the feedback that it is terribly complicated. Too many elements, too much to think of.

I agree!  But I can't pick it apart. All the elements work together to create the kind of bliss I now get to experience on a daily basis. My life is better for it, I would like to share it, but I realize that it can be overwhelming at first. So I set out to create a course which will guide you in adding element after element, one by one. I'm putting it out there on this blog, for the time being. Eventually, I hope to turn this into a well-structured website with additional information on my sources and links to more knowledge. Maybe an ebook, maybe a gofondme, we'll see...

I wrote this for guys (i.e., beings with a penis, whatever you prefer to be called), for the simple reason that I am a guy, I don't have a woman's body, and I have not much knowledge of how it works for women.

What are the benefits?

You will last longer in bed. More importantly, you will be a better lover.

You will feel more energetic throughout the day.

You will be able to create bliss in your body on the spot, wherever you are.

Preparation

Set aside the time you need - 25 minutes in the beginning, extending to an hour by the end.

I assume that the exercises are performed in the nude, in the bed or on the floor or on some other nice, soft, warm flat survice, comfortably lying on your back.

I recommend that you check out a habit and goal tracking app such as "7 Weeks", or a similar app. It really helps you keep control of your new habits.

Meditation and mindfulness are key. If you omit the meditation, I'm sure you get something out of it, but probably not the most you can get, so I suggest you give it a try.

The course is intended as a daily exercise lasting for six weeks. Of course, you can spread those any way you like, only doing one unit per week or whatever suits you. I'm all for regular, disciplined practice. The amount of time, in my experience, is secondary to that discipline.

Mode of publication

I will publish the course materials once per week, over the next six weeks, on this blog, every monday. I will put links to the segments for each week in this posting.

Disclaimer

I made some bold promises up there, and I base them on nothing but my own knowledge and experience. I am not a doctor. If this does not work for you, for whatever reason at all, please stop it, and go look for something else. If you are in psychotherapy or have medical issues, please discuss any lifestyle change with your MD or therapist before you move in.