I stopped worrying about god, and you should too

https://xkcd.com/386/

For a long time, I was one of those pesky "New Atheists", fervently denying that that label had any significance (it doesn't), arguing rationalism on social media and defending against all types of fallacies.

This blog is a testament to that: See the labels atheism, bible, catholicism.

By the end of 2017, I changed.

What happened?

I rediscovered meditation and molded it into a serious formal habit.

I discovered stoicism and integrated it with my meditation.

I restarted my solo tantric activities.

As a result of all that, I took what I like to call the "sacred STFU vows". That means that I try to not engage in any debates, unless I have something useful to contribute.

There are two parts to this:

I try not to engage in any debates...

I don't debate my colleagues on their political views.

I rarely intervene on online forums about theism and atheism.

I don't even look at youtube comments anymore.

I basically logged off facebook, looking at it maybe once a week.

(Reddit remains my addiction of choice. I haven't given up on that one yet... probably will, later this year.)

There are challenges.

When a friend puts his antifeminism to me, I would like to stay calm, maybe react in a compassionate way, but not kindle the fire. What really happens is that, in person, I do engage in the discussion -- especially if there are beers involved -- while online, I don't react at all. Both are not exactly optimal. I'm working on it.

What I have gained by all that is more clarity, less useless outrage, a certain kind of "proud humility" and better insight into what matters.

What I mean by "proud humility" is the realization that I don't have to proclaim my wisdom all the time. I know what I know, I know what I believe, and if I keep it to myself for the time being, the world will revolve around itself just as it did before. Sounds humble? Well, it is also disciplined, and I take pride in my discipline.

It made me realize that I don't HAVE to engage all the time. I can refrain from it. I can click that link about money and sexual energy, then feel my gut reaction of "Durr, have to comment, have to destroy, krurrr murrrr", and let it go. There is incredible freedom in that ability. And it can be trained. All it takes is an act of nonaction.

Now, for the second part of my vow... "unless I have something useful to contribute".

Note that I did not say "something positive". There is an important distinction here.  Criticism, even negative criticism, has its place.

Of course, I can't always resist. I do comment. Way less than before, but I sometimes do.

My goal is to comment only when I feel there is no anger, and much compassion instead.

These past weeks, I had a few moments when I was there. I think those of my comments were worthwile. They make me proud. They might have helped people. And that is just a very, very good feeling.

As for god... I'm not sure. Maybe I'm not that advanced yet. I still feel a bit of frustration sometimes. But mostly, I have come to realize that those debates are utterly useless; tired old repetitions of the same 5 or 6 arguments, again and again. I'm not up for that anymore. I have better things to do.

So, should atheists refrain from debating christians?

In general, no. We are a social species, we need to communicate. But social media have made all that quabbling and quibbling and railing and wailing get way out of hand.

You need to put yourself back in the driver's seat.

If you feel that you might have gotten too far into #someone_s_wrong_on_the_internet territory, I suggest you take some time off. Get some distance.  Gain perspective.  Become aware of the emotions you put into those debates.  Ask yourself, what emotions do you want to experience? Ask yourself, what happens to you in those debates?  Ask yourself whether those two line up.  If they don't, it might be time for a change in strategy.