Monday, March 20, 2017

Defining "Practical Tantra"

This is my second attempt to describe what I mean when I say "tantra". (You can read the first one here.)

Of course, every such attempt is just a very provisional effort. There is always more to explore. But this should give you a good place to start.

First, let me narrow down the term:

Tantra actually DOES include all the religious zealotry, the esoteric nonsense, the blatant prostitution, and the commercialisation that you might imagine. After all, there is no such thing as a tantra police, and everybody is free to do whatever they wish and call it tantra. (There is also, I'm fairly certain, every kind of abuse going on in tantric cults, and even in weekend courses. Always be safe! Just saying.)

I will call my special flavor of it "practical secular tantra" in order to distinguish it from other approaches. That's not a very cool or specific name, (in fact, I just made it up on the spot right now) but for this posting, it will suffice.

My approach is distinctly non-spiritual and rooted in western skepticism, but it does not reduce tantra to a mere sex enhancement technique either.

Now, the tag line version:

This is the very shortest definition I can come up with.

"Practical secular tantra" is a method to deepen your capacity for pleasure, in the most sensual way possible, in order to make you a happier, and thus a better person.


Next, there is the executive summary:

This is slightly longer, but, in my opinion, slightly more useful.

"Practical secular tantra" is a tool of personal development. It works by nourishing and harnessing your own sexual energy. That energy will then help you integrate body and mind better. The goal is to achieve more harmony, more inner peace. Ultimately, you might become a better person. Plus, of course, better orgasms and more fun every single day of your life.

Finally, let's break all of that down, sentence by sentence:


"Practical secular tantra" is a tool of personal development.

The tantric experience, like any other meditative technique worthy of the name, can help you become a little more relaxed, take things not quite so seriously, and more importantly, stop being such a ginormous egocentric pile of douchebaggery.

It works by nourishing and harnessing your own sexual energy.

Okay, you knew that it was about sex -- I mean, duuuh, right. In tantra, sexual energy is seen as the central life-force. If you connect with that and learn to let it flow through you, that experience can wholly transform you, and can turn your whole life from the head (the way it is now) back on its feet (the way it is meant to be).

This part is where most of the practical exercises have their place: Breathing, clenching muscles, visualisation, all in the service of recognizing, and then directing, your energy.

(This is also where all the mumbo-jumbo comes in: Chakras, mystical energy fields, "subtle bodies", the kundalini and its frights and terrors, dire warnings against going too fast, and so on and so forth.)

One important aspect of that is to let go of the immediate goal of orgasm, and to learn how to stay in the present moment even in the presence of sexual arousal.

There is a strong tendency to reduce sex to a race towards a goal. This not only makes sex way less joyful and free than it can be, but it also strips us of great opportunities to practice mindfulness.

You cannot feel that energy moving in your body, as long as your focus is on cumming. It's as if you were on a trip all around Europe, and you tried to take in the very beautiful scenery of Tuscany, but at the same time, you were already planning what to do the next day in Vienna. And then, Salzburg the day after that. It does not work.

The more you re-learn that presence of mind, the more you can enjoy sex. Plus, you become a better lover.

That energy will then help you integrate body and mind better.

It's a fairly simple thing, once you think about it: If you feel great, and sexy, and strong, and at peace, then you have more energy to really listen to your body. You will probably find more time for what really matters, too. That MIGHT mean, for example, that there simply is no need for that cigarette, or that chocolate bar. Without even trying...

The caveat: This is not a given. You cannot "use tantra to give up that porn addiction". It is only one more tool in your box. It will help you with some goals. It will completely fail at others.

The goal is to achieve more harmony, more inner peace.

Tantra is not primarily about better sex. Better sex is one important aspect, of course, and it comes quite naturally the more you learn to let go of the goal of orgasm. You learn to "ride the wave", and you experience incredible bliss. And then, after that, there is this whole inner universe of pleasure, and what's more: a kind of depth of experience. The universe, outside as well as inside, becomes ever deeper, more open, more intense.

Ultimately, you might become a better person. Plus, of course, better orgasms and more fun every single day of your life.

Here is a piece of my personal ideology: If we want more peace on earth, what we need is happy people.

Happy people don't wage wars. Happy people don't beat their spouses. Happy people don't feel the need to one-up you. Happy people can calmly get the job done without drama.

To become better human beings, we should not focus on perfect adherence to specific morals, on never crossing any lines. We should practice our pleasure: totally experiencing our inner and outer being, becoming one with ourselves. (That is the most esoteric you'll hear from me, I promise.)

That is precisely what tantra does: It deepens your capacity for pleasure, in the most sensual way possible.

(Please stand by for the next posting: Exercises of practical secular tantra.)

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Thursday, January 19, 2017

The Pleasure of Witnessing a Master Teacher

A few days ago, I had the absolute pleasure of witnessing a chess player teach his art to a young boy.

There was absolutely nothing patronizing about his attitude. He didn't talk down to the boy. He never corrected him. He did not care one bit about winning. In fact, when he saw a good move, he was genuinely thrilled about where that might lead the game.

When the boy made a move that was probably dubious, the man would say "Interesting choice. Now, let's figure out what might happen next. I might do this, and then this, and then this... So, let's figure out together how you could position your pieces even better?"

It was not like they were playing a game against each other, but just having fun together over their game.

It was truly inspiring, and the boy seemed to absolutely love every single bit of it. I would like to see way more things like that!

Trump ignoring a journalist

The link is to a video where Trump ignores a CNN reporter because "your organisation is bad".

Here's what I would really like to see:

The next time Trump ignores a journalist like that, the next journalist he turns to should simply repeat the question of the first journalist. And then the next. And the next. Until he answers the question.

That would be so rewarding to watch!

Here's a link to the reddit list of Trump calling media "fake news" or similar:

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Cumshots Are Surrealist Masterpieces

I'm not exactly a porn connaisseur. Never have been. Right now, I'm under a somewhat vague rule where I cannot watch or read porn (except if I wrote it myself), but I can watch a short gif, even if it is pornographic in nature. I have to show the most erotic images I find to my girlfriend, so she can enjoy them too. Not quite your classic chaste-sub arrangement, but it works for us.

I digress.

Look, I know that (mainstream) porn is supposed to tittilate heterosexual males. I know it's intended to be seen from his perspective, it is totally degrading for females, somehow that seems to turn a lot of guys on, and all of this is by intention.

I get all that. As long as all participants are consenting adults, the secular state has no business outlawing it, and I'm not moralistic enough to rage against it.

I also get that some women actually do like some rough sex. Some do enjoy anal. Pretty much all of them enjoy showing off their body, at least in front of their intimate partner.

So, a little part of porn is actually somewhat realistic.

Just... not a whole lot of it. Many porn practices are just so absurd, or take exaggeration to the highest possible level; the cumshot is the perfect embodiment of that surrealist absurdity.

In the right context, with some bdsm background, I can well imagine that a few women might enjoy it when a guy splashes his load all over their face.

It is the way this is usually shown in porn which makes me fear the worst for mankind. The sheer enthusiasm that those women try to express by way of severe overacting; the out-of-the-blue nature of the occasion, as if it were completely normal to do such a thing; the odd sterility of a scene set up for one purpose, and one purpose only; the obvious pressure on the guy to perform at just the right time; the awkwardness of bad actors in a job where it is questionable whether good acting would actually improve the, ahem, "quality" of the product... it is just too much. It makes me laugh, rather than wish I was allowed to pleasure myself.

Why would I want to watch another guy cum on the body of an attractive woman? How is that supposed to make me hot? I will never be able to understand that.

I still dream of better erotica; erotica that actually turn me on rather than gross me out. Precious little of those seem to exist. This seems so odd to me. Given the ridiculous amount of media out there, and the extreme niches that already have been explored to a lot of success, there should be a reasonably-sized market for better erotica. Maybe that is just impossible to do, because we're all so neurotic about sex that we have no clue how to? I still dream, though.

Monday, December 26, 2016

Update on Chastity

I asked her if she wanted to play on after the next "release". She was more than happy to say yes.

My ring will stay on. So I guess we are officially in a 24/7 D/s relationship now, for whatever it's worth.

I believe she has started to enjoy giving me some pain.

Specifically, she is becoming a maestro of pain to my balls. There is a certain place, I believe it is basically the perineum or a bit above it. If you press on it uite strongly, and apply that pressure between the balls rather than below them, miracles of soft pain, openness, moaning, groaning and sweet delicate helplessness ensue. Well, if you're a lucky bastard like me who is into that perverted sort of thing, at least.

By the way, talking about "release": That's such an ugly, demeaning term! It comes straight out of porn land, where malesubs are under constant oppression and in permanent "frustration".

The deeper my supermodel girlfriend and I go down this specific rabbit-hole, the more I have to disagree with that view. Being chaste and exploring those soft, submissive places in my soul is actually a tremendous amount of fun. I'm often at a point where I don't actually crave an ejaculatory orgasm. Don't get me wrong, I do like it; I enjoy it a lot. It's just not so much the center of attention any more. There's a certain sense of sadness to it: I find this permanent state of heightened sensuality, horniness and slight submissiveness rather relaxing. It makes a whole lot of stuff a lot easier, often trivial things like doing the dishes. If you imagine that you're doing it as a labor of love, as opposed to a stupid chore, it's just easier to do. Self-deception? Sure! But why not? It's good for me, it's good for her, go for it! I'm quite a bit more productive in my creative endeavours, too. I really don't see the downside.

It is becoming less of a game, and more of a lifestyle, but the roleplay aspects remain in the bedroom. I'm on the road towards becoming more real, more myself, and letting go of some of the charade. In a way, I guess, this charade was always the "perverted" part of bdsm to me. Not that roleplaying is a bad thing. But, if you're playing long-term 24/7 games, such as chastity play, you get to realize that there is a difference between childish, fake stage-acts and the actual, real dynamics of your relationship.

I'm starting to think that some form of "chastity play" can be beneficial for a whole lot of relationships. We're not adapted omnipresent instant gratification. The restrictions of old against free love certainly served to keep an extremely oppressive, mysogynistic and misandric, religious regime running. No question about that. But maybe they did that by co-opting an impulse, or a subtle cecognition of something that is actually rather healthy: that unfulfilled sexual desire is a thing to be cherished: just like its cousin, sexual consummation, and like so many other things in life... everthing in moderation, evern moderation itself.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Acute not-yet-resolved sexual tension at the pub

Yesterday, I got to witness what I can only describe as a scene of intense lust and mutual seduction. Just writing it down makes me drool all over again, while at the same time feeling for our young heroes.

I was with my supermodel girlfriend at one of our favourite pubs. A guy and a girl came in, maybe around 20-25ish, and sat down at the bar. Cute blonde petite girl, and I have no idea what the guy looked like, except for his long brown hair and his beard. I'm sure he was rather good-looking though.

I said to my girlfriend that those two had not yet had sex, but were about to, later tonight. She agreed.

The next time I looked, the girl had her hand dangerously close to the guy's thigh, but not touching, all the while she was talking about whatever they were talking about. The guy did not react to this at all. Then, perfectly in alignment with some punchline in one of her jokes, her fingertips, ever so slightly, touched his knee.

Over an hour or so, that longing physical closeness escalated, ever... so... slowly. Hands touching each other for a second, fingertips touching the outer side of his leg, hand almost stroking him, but not quite. Finally, hand settling on him.

I was amazed by the sheer disconnect between what happened quite literally at face level, and what was really going on below. Smalltalk and jokes and what I'm sure constituted some witty dialogue. And at the same time, physical intimacy that spoke volumes of longing, desire, thrill, seduction, expectation. All of that was made even sweeter, more precious, by the fact that it was the girl chasing the boy this time. I have rarely witnessed this constellation. It was her who was facing towards, him facing the bar. It was her trying to touch, him trying not to be touched too much by the touch.

At some point, they turned towards each other, and his knees ended up a bit between hers. At that point, I guess the whole thing was really settled. The rest was play time, keeping up the appearance, not giving in to temptation all too soon. I am absolutely certain that they left together, and that what I saw was just one small fraction of the main attraction. They still had not kissed, but... Oh boy!

Sadly, my supermodel girlfriend felt that we were invading their privacy a bit, and we left. I coulda watched them for a few hours more without getting bored. It was thrilling like the first season of Battlestar Galactica, and fascinating like pretty much everything to Mr Spock.

And also, calll me insensitive, but I don't see how one invades someone's privacy by just watching them in a public place. I rather like to think that my one and only was a tad jealous.