Thursday, April 19, 2018

So you want to be a "slave", huh?

You want to be begging for mercy, down on your knees. You want a latex-clad strict Belle Dame Sans Merci to tell you how small and useless your penis is, while she wields a whip the length of Roissy and fucks your ass with a 15 inch dildo made of steel, covered in ginger essence.

You have a perfect bullet list in your head, and there are 42 items on it. You know the weapons she is to use, the clothes she should wear, the exact amount of Icy Hot to put under your foreskin.

If that's what you want, and if that's what you get, by all means, go for it. You have my blessing. More (or less) power to you!

Seeing all the complaints of (mostly male) subs about how they can't find what they crave, some skepticism might be in order.

My Lovely Lady and I recently decided that our sex had become a bit... habitual. Not bad. Far from it, we both felt it was great, but we also thought that a wee bit of spicing up might be the way to go.

Of course I dragged my old bdsm and chastity fantasies out of the closet. We had ventured into that county several years before, it was quite fun, and then we just kind of forgot about it, never mentioned it again. She's very inexperienced in that regard, She's basically compassion incarnate, and She is just... soo.. not sadistic at all.

I decided to make it as easy as possible for her. To frame it more like a bit of chivalry on my part, as our mutual, combined learning experience - everything but the cliché. She's an extremely sweet girl, so I asked her to be precisely as sweet as she wanted to. The sessions would last for as long as we decided, and instead of trying to "punish" me for inexistent and made-up "crimes", we would try and find the limits of my pain-tolerance, together. It's our journey together, as a couple, as people.

Lo and behold.

Next thing I know, I'm fetching Her drinks and serving them in style. I'm in for a week of teasing and denial. I'm kneeling by the side of the bed. I'm getting pegged.

She made me write her a text every day at noon, in which I was to ask her, kindly, to tell me what she wanted me to do for Her that day.

It's brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. That one instruction was so "mild" that She didn't have to feel like She was overstepping some boundary. She doesn't have to think of it, I have a task to perform for Her every day by default, and She can always decide to just give no order at all if She likes.

There is a level of D/s that is overtly sexual. Kneeling naked by the bed is very, very sexy.

There is another level. It's where you take out the trash, and serve Her meals, and try to think of things to make Her life easier. It's where you let Her choose the video to watch, but you also prepare a few choices because you know She has a hard time making decisions like that. It is this level that goes truly deep. It is where bdsm and spirituality meet. It is where you're about to go "naaaah... not AGAIN, I wanna do sumthin ELSE...", and then you think of your place in this, and you shut the fuck up and do it, and it is transformed into pure sweetness as if by magic.

It's where you stand behind her and gently pet her shoulders while she's brushing her teeth, just because it feels good for her. Where you feel the urge to fetch Her a fresh towel after Her shower, not because it's kinky, but because that's the way it's supposed to be.

It's sexual too, but it's also just basic good old-fashioned chivalry. It's a form of medieval, romantic self-conquest and discipline that often seems to get overlooked in the modern world, where we're all on a quest to become more, not better. It's oh so sexy and satisfying, and what's more, it just feels very, very natural.

And if you struggle to get your Lady on board, let me humbly suggest that you drop all bdsm dressup, forget whips and chains and nipple clamps, and frame it as just you being nice. It might get you further than you think!

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Salespitch for the Tantric Mindset

There is this mindset of "self-improvement". People come from a place of deficiency. They are less-than. Not-quite. In need of optimization.

To me, this is epitomized in communities such as /r/nofap and /r/pornfree.

The idea is that "I have this obsession, I have to get rid of it, so I have to renounce this pleasure to reach my goal."
 In this view, ou are a victim of porn, of your imagination, of your desires, your habits of your own weakness - and by willpower and strength and stamina and renunciation, you overcome that ugly beast and break free.

This is fairly logical and consistent of course. I won't deny that this may well be the only possible way for a lot of people. It's very obvious.

If this is you, and if it works for you and makes you happy, stop reading and just do what you do.

There might be another way.

What if I told you that desire is not necessarily a call to finish? What if an urge was not necessarily something to fulfill? What if an empty hole does not necessarily cry for water to fill it?

Duh. What else would it be.

What if you learned to enjoy the urge itself?

What if there was joy in being with desire?

What if you learned how to see the urge, not as something to fulfill or to kill or overcome - but as something satisfying in and of itself?

What if discipline created its own reward?

In essence, this is the secular tantric *) mindset. Secular tantric practice is growing into that mindset.

Don't be fooled. It takes time, it takes discipline, it takes dedication. It's not the quick fix. And a certain openness to "spirituality", while not a prerequisite, might help. **)

But man is it good.


*) Disclaimers apply: It's not "authentic tantra", it's just western secular sexual "energy" practice, yadda yadda yadda da.

**) You might even develop a certain "spiritual attitude" when you practice, to your own surprise, even against your will. You have been warned.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

When you let go of the need for "orgasm"... can discover that you never knew what an orgasm really was.

Monday, March 19, 2018

Physical Self-Love Meditation: Week 6 - Finishing Touches

Monday - Sunday: Go faster, vibrate, get creative

When you want more, hotter, more intense experiences, speed up your breathing. When it gets too hot
and you get too close to orgasm, slow down.

As you go faster, you will probably lose control over the subtle complexities we practiced so
far - clench on exhale etc. Don't bother, it's completely fine.

One nice trick is to flex and relax the thighs and the PC faster, along with the breath. At
some point, you can go into a kind of "vibrating" movement which can feel tremendously

You can also try engaging the muscles for a longer time.

Try stretching out your legs or spreading them.

Get creative, experiment with it all!

For example, try flexing on the inhale rather than the exhale. How does that feel? Personally,
I found out that the other way around feels better, but we're all different -- maybe this is
better for you.

Be sure to hit me with some feedback if you care to. You can mail me at, or drop a comment here on the blog!

Have fun!

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Betlamed's wager

You may hear that meditation makes people more calm and happy. You may also hear that it opens the gateway to a demonic dimension and turns people into hell-bound zombies.

Say you rather believe the first one of those claims. So you try it out for yourself. You meditate for a few weeks, every day, and you find it helpful.

Do you know from this that the second claim, the one about hell-hounds, was not true? No, you don't. You place a bet on it. You use your own experience, your intuition, the feedback from your friends, and whatever information you find online and in books, to evaluate your chances.

So, now you feel like you might be about to really, truly, ultimately let go of your ego. Let's assume for a bit that this is actually correct (which it usually tends not to be). So you might turn into an amoral evil being, or into a vegetable, because you lost whatever it was that kept you sane. Or you might walk into the light and become a buddha.

All your experience might tell you that you should do that final step. You might have meditated all your life. You know stuff. You've... seeeen things.... us people wouldn't believe... You might be close to death, so it probably doesn't matter anyway.

But this is still a bet. There is still a chance that you are wrong. The christians might be right, or who knows, maybe the scientologists. You do not know that.

All you can do, is trust your experience, and train your intellect to reject superstition and irrationality, and give things a try if you think that they might be worthwhile.

Above all, know that you could be wrong.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Physical Self-Love Meditation: Week 5 - Visualize the energy going all around

Monday - Wednesday: Visualize the energy going all around

Do your meditation as usual.

Practice what you learned so far.

Imagine the erotic energy from your prostate/anus running through your spine, up into your heart, then down again into your belly.

Thursday - Sunday: Visualize the energy going back into your genitals

Do your meditation as usual.

Practice what you learned so far.

Imagine the erotic energy from your prostate/anus running through your spine, up into your heart, then down again, into your genitals.

Find out how this feels, as opposed to guiding it into the belly. Which is more intense? Which is more arousing? Do both have their place? Do you prefer one over the other?

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Physical Self-Love Meditation: Week 4 - Visualize the Energy

Monday - Sunday:

Do your meditation as usual.    

Practice what you learned so far.

Imagine the erotic energy from your prostate/anus running through your spine, up into your heart.