Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Review: "Bliss of the Celibate", by Julian Lee (1998)

This is one of those that I waded through, so you don't have to. It is also is one of those you will find referenced, again and again, in the semenretention community, as a "foundational text" of sorts.

As in so many texts of an esoteric or religious nature, the main epistemic methods applied in this book are free association, unfounded claims, and working backwards from the conclusion.

Lee has read some buddhist and hindu books, has collected whatever floated his boat, and cooked a big old stew from all that. Add one (1) bible passage (Mt 19:12), and you have apparently proven that Jesus taught yoga, was celibate, and that the catholic church gleaned its power from - you guessed it - celibacy. Formal citations or syllogistic arguments are something to sneer at and avoid at all costs, it would seem.

He claims that celibacy is necessary for any and all achievements, ranging from the simple to the highly complex, from personal and social, from culture to enlightenment. He explicitly states that "[w]ithout the highest sexual morality, no other morality is possible. The keeping of no other law is possible. No social order is possible. No human culture is possible." When a male has an orgasm, or even so much as focuses too much on the female form, everything is lost. The only solution is celibacy. He recognizes, at least, that there are two paths: complete renunciation, and gradual evolution towards that lofty goal.

The closest Lee ever comes to an actual argument, is when he claims that males lose energy through semen the same way that women lose energy in menstruation. Why this is supposed to be the case, is anyone's guess. It's in the old scriptures, it is in Julian Lee's head, therefore it has to be true. As proof, he names the usual: males appear tired after orgasm. He claims that males have a form of "PMS" for at least 24 hours - you may or may not agree. If you disagree, then the whole book is moot.

Lee doesn't offer any practical advice, except for meditation. He dismisses all of tantra and - in an oddly specific twist - decries the Yoga Journal, rejects "new agers", progressives, and people who dislike George Bush (junior or senior, he doesn't say). He goes on a long rant against those groups, culmitating in the curious proclamation that "the average Christian, because he at least retains some morals regarding sex, is actually much closer to the Yogic path than most "new agers.""

He knows that "transmutation is necessary for celibacy", but he doesn't tell us how to transmute. Nor does he seem to be aware of the distinction between orgasm and ejaculation (no wonder, since he rejects tantra). Orgasm means expulsion of the all-valuable "pearls" (a term he uses quite consistently) and shakti, and that creates all evils in the world - while celibacy creates everything good.

As in most texts on the topic, the female part of the species play next to no role at all - not even as guides for men; they only exist as seducers to men and thieves of his shakti-induced powers. Homosexuality is a grave sin (stemming from, you guessed it, masturbation), and nonbinary sexuality doesn't exist at all. There is an extreme black and white morality at play - renunciation is good, lust is bad, sex is only for procreation.

Not all in this book is totally bad - at times, it can be quite inspiring:

"When you become entirely devoted to the Lord of Creation, All of creation becomes devoted to you." At least, that's nice! However, these cases are few and far between. All in all, it is a terrible book, not innovative, boring, trite and conservative.

There are a lot of quotes from Patanjali, Paramahansa Yogananda (his favourite author of all), and buddhist Suttras. So if nothing else, one can use it as a kind of reference for looking stuff up.

The book is mostly interesting because, as stated above, it is one of the "foundational texts" of semen-retention. It just goes to show that the movement is steeped in hindu and buddhist religiosity, political and social conservatism, vitalism, sexism and steadfast animosity against intellectual debate and rationality.

How it might be improved:

Apart from the obvious - add some rational arguments as to why celibacy is supposed to do all those good things - the book would benefit tremendously from some empathy and guidance for newcomers. Lee offers nothing in the way of practical exercises, and it is somewhat hard to see why any penis-owner should take it upon themselves to refrain from any and all orgasms, possibly for the rest of his life. (Women, by the way, would seemingly get to cum all they want... an obvious conclusion from the premises, but I wonder if Lee saw it.) Just for "living in accordance with" some undefined "great universal Law", probably will not cut it. Speaking of cutting, cutting out a few of the rants would make the thing a lot easier to read.

A Weekend of Dominance and Submission

I haven't talked about the bdsm aspects of my journey an awful lot on this blog. Probably because the connection between submission, tantra and spirituality was still kind of blurry for me.

Anyway, last weekend, my wonderful wife and I engaged in one of our D/s weekends.

As always, I served her every need. I did the groceries and prepared the meals, I gave her footbaths and foot massages, I pampered her in any way possible. Adored her, cherished her, whispered all possible sweet nothings I could fathom.

Come sexy time, there was a lot of kneeling in the nude, there was biting and scratching, ballbusting and other fun stuff I won't mention to protect the guilty.

I got to experience what bdsm folks call "flying". It's an incredible feeling, and I highly recommend it - only, you have to be a masochist to enjoy it, terribly sorry for the rest of you poor souls out there!

I ate her out whenever she wanted (which can never be often enough for my delicate taste!).

When I was allowed inside her, I absolutely refrained from cumming.

In many ways, this is the best part. The karezza folks really seem to be right about that - for whatever hormonal reason, it creates an incredible sense of intimacy and connection. It feels like falling in love again for the first time, only about a hundred times more intense and rewarding, more conscious, more "I hand myself over" than the "knock-on-the-head inevitable" style you see in the movies.

Am I weird in thinking about 1 Co 11 in that context? ἐν τῇ νυκτὶ ᾗ παρεδίδετο... Yes, definitely weird! The good kind thereof.

I'm still on a high. Every breath fills me with insane bliss, coupled with the best form of horniness you can find. It's truly amazing.

Of course, all of this is only possible because we build on the trust and connection forged in almost 8 years of relationship - all the troubles, ups and downs, tragedies and accidents small and large. You can't build this overnight. You can't have it with a total stranger. Not to knock one-night stands, everything has it's own advantages - that's just not one of them.

I love the idea that my kinks, my interest in chastity and nofap, can be part of building up this larger thing, this together-thing, this beautiful manifestation of love. I always somehow wanted that. I always thought that it was inside this whole kink thing, somehow, somewhere... and now I know.

Thursday, August 20, 2020

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 31: A whole month

Funny feeling. July 19th was the last time I wanked off. In the meantime, I had two orgasms with my wife, and three times had sex without cumming.

A whole month. Of course, it's just an arbitrary number, but the way the human mind works, it feels special.  There is some pride, but more than that there is a deep kind of satisfaction.  When you abstain from something -- something you thought you needed, whatever it is, I guess -- it gives you a deeper understanding of your wants and needs. You connect with something important that way. It removes a barrier. Something like "opening up a chakra", to use one of those esoteric metaphors.  Conferring with your angel. Moving up the Tree of Life. I'm sure every religion, every culture has its own cherished expressions for it.

It becomes easier to differentiate your superficial wants from your actual needs. You have already experienced that you can live without it, so you can now focus on what really matters.

I'm back at work. The huge advantage is that I drink less. I never went for complete abstinence, but during vacations it tends to escalate a bit, and it's good to go back to normal.

Now the big challenge ahead: Apply the skill of mindful enjoyment to other areas. Maybe it is possible to eat less, eat healthier and more ecological, without engaging in willpower excesses, and while enjoying the food even more. Maybe the same goes for alcohol, for youtube, for a lot of things I'm not even aware of yet...

Maybe there is resistance to all those joys, based on self-loathing and deeply ingrained capitalist "ethics".

Maybe I should start to emply the "matrix" metaphor, "red pill" myself and become a total conspiracy nutjob, lol. In the general public's eye, it would be quite a fit...

I guess I got used to it by now.  It seems like I don't really want to masturbate anymore -- ever.  At the same time, I know from previous streaks that this, too, will pass. And that is perfectly fine.

Do not get attached to non-attachment!

Saturday, August 15, 2020

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 27: Not a lot to say

It is perfectly fine to not have a lot to say. The journey is through calmer waters now. Next week it's back to the treadmill, I only hope it won't be too stressful. I had some weird dreams, but that's quite normal for me. I don't believe they mean a thing, even though I've been dream-journalling for decades and would have much loved to find a pattern or predictive powers or anything of that sort. So yeah, working on my story, breathing in breathing out, watching the remaining cat hang around in the sun. Saturday afternoon.

Thursday, August 13, 2020

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 25: Dealing with anxiety

A few things happened, and in the end I woke up this morning with a bad case of anxiety.

The interesting thing about those bad emotional places is that you can leave them... if you just do stuff. Tidy up the flat a bit. Write a few sentences of that novel. Go for a little walk. Do "just a bit", and that tends to expand into something bigger, and then that makes you feel better. That's why I like a writing method that lets me jump around and add a bit here, a bit there. It is much easier to get back into, if you can't write on a very regular schedule.

Next step: Breathe and accept the anxiety...

 


 

Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 23: The sad part

After a wonderful, wonderful weekend in an expensive hotel, which obviously involved some glorious sex, we came home yesterday to find one of our cats in the hall, soiled and paralyzed. It turned out that a blood clot had formed in his leg. He didn't even touch a bowl of sweet corn we gave him. It seemed he had already given up. He had a heart condition, which we only just thought we had beat.

So the rest of the day didn't go exactly as planned. We gave him as much love as we possibly could. We drove to put our snuggly, anxious, purr-purr-meowing cat down, then brought him to the mortician, which turned out quite a journey, to get him cremated.

The act itself was fast and virtually painfree: First the narcosis, which got him to sleep in a second, then the poison. One last breath, and off he was to cat heaven, where he now eats prawn and corn all day, has as many hiding places as he could wish for, where nobody can ever disturb him, no strangers and no evil vacs to scare him.

We had a good dinner in his name, wrote down everything we remembered - his various pet names, habits, favourite foods, all the joyful moments we had with him. We'll make a foto album for the memories.

Tonight, my wife will bring our other cat to the doctor to have surgery for his skin cancer. Let's hope for the best! He has epilepsy, so there is a risk, and the cancer might have spread - but we'll just say it will work out fine, shall we. We can't lose both cats in the same week!!



Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Saturday, August 8, 2020

Diary of a nofap streak - Day 20: The Heat

There are times on this journey when the energy gets overwhelmingly strong. It feels incredibly good, but at the same time, you're very much overpowered and can do nothing but surrender.

A good thing it's a saturday and I don't have to go to work.

I can totally imagine a situation where I would wank off just to get rid of the heat. Just so I could get some work done.

It's very blissful. Remember my older solemn tantric oath: Give in to it. Feel it through and through. Surrender to it. Own it. Make it mine, or rather make me its. Give in. And just like that, the angst and the anxiety vanish, and it is all good.

There is no need to fight it. There is no need to do anything but accept. This is what is, right now.

It is quite unspeakable. It's like my body is filled with pleasure and lust, desire and satisfaction rolled up into one. It's a tingling and a heat and a little dizziness. It starts from the spine, spreads through my belly and chest, into my arms and legs, even the head.

I revel in the knowledge that there is no supernatural. Imagining this to be an entity of its own, with a will separate from my own, doing stuff to me that I cannot control, and potentially will never stop, would be quite unsettling.