Diary of a nofap streak - day 1

(This is the introductory posting. I didn't plan to do a daily update at this point, so it's just me rambling a bit.)

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Isn't it strange how the perceived needs in our sives wax and wane, come and go? One day, you can't do without a good wank, or even two or three... then something changes, and you feel like you could go on forever on that oddly satisfying feeling of chastity.

Oh, and I got myself banned from /r/pureretention. Yeah I was harsh on the guy, I know, maybe too harsh. I didn't do it out of spite. I just feel that sometimes, we have to push back against the nonsense, the grandiose claims of people who simply cannot have it any other way, who cannot accept opposition against their ideas, who cannot conduct a debate or admit that they don't know something, that it's just a hunch, just conjecture. Sometimes one can be lovely and sweet and soft. Sometimes, not so much. This was one of those times.
I think almost all that is said about chastity online, is just conjecture based on some preconceived ideas, some ideology, some personal experiences, a bit of reading here and there.

So is what I have to say. We're all in the dark. We sometimes catch glimpses of truth. Wonderful if that happens, but we should be wary of overselling it. The real real REAL Truth, the one with a capital T, is still out there. None of us has it.

It's not about overcoming - overcoming desire with willpower, overcoming addiction by strength. I'm sure there are guys who need just that - to learn that they have the ability to move past their simplest physical needs for a while, to shake a habit that has overwhelmed them.

For me, it's not about that. That's why I sometimes give in to temptation, why there will always be times of intense masturbation.

For me, moving past shame is at least as important as moving into the ability to deal with frustration and temptation. Yes, half a year of chastity would be nice. Half a year of chastity, supervised by my wife, would be incredible. Alas, it is not in my stars, and I accept that.

It is about accepting what is, just as it is. When the urge strikes, and I do not resist, that is what is happening right now, and I strive to accept it. When the urge comes, and I can breathe through it, then I want to accept that, too.
I want to learn to accept as much pleasure as possible, and to see arousal as pleasure. Ultimately, I want to see everything as a form of pleasure - even pain, even sadness, even loss - or as a form of neutral event that just happens. I doubt that one can get there through an act of resistance, of overpowering. I think the way is through self-acceptance, not force.

I won't be spending much willpower on overcoming an urge. I think overcoming, overpowering is counter-productive. I think willpower is massively overrated in general. It only works in the short run. For long-term success, we need something different, something soft, something flexible, adaptive, flowing - watery, not rocky; seductive rather than violent; a web of silk and trust and comfort, rather than an iron armor.

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Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Joyful_Chastity/comments/huosv1/getting_back_into_chastity/

Resting in Goddess

I invited her over to my side of the bed. We undressed. I kissed her all over, revelling in her beauty, taking in and feeling and tasting her big breasts and her wonderful belly, her lush bush, her steaming pussy. I ate her out. The third time this week. I went slow. I let go of thoughts. I went with her rhythm, inducing my own just as much as I thought necessary. This time, she came... hard. Possibly harder than I have ever seen her come. So hard, she wouldn't want a second round, which she almost always wants, lol.

I lay on top of her. I let my cock glide inside. We looked into each others eyes for a long time. We kissed. We closed eyes, carressed, fondled, kissed. I did not move inside her. I did not come.

I felt like I was resting in Goddess. There was no need to come. It was glorious, intimate, deep and loving.

 

Vi La Bianca has an altar!

I think this is very refreshing. "Trick your brain into feeling better" is very much in agreement with my skeptic tantrika thang.

You can be a skeptic and an atheist, and still enjoy all the wonderful feelings that a practice taken from a religious tradition can bestow.

Excellent videos on meditation by a skeptic

From the youtube channel "à-bas-le-ciel":

 

It just ain't fair. There I was, looking for someone who would challenge my beliefs on meditation, maybe have a little debate or somthun.

Turns out, not only does this guy mostly agree with my own notions, but he articulates them better than I can.

The gist of it is that the "interesting" experiences in meditation don't mean shit beyond what they are - experiences.

If you're interested in that kinda thang - enjoy!

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Here's another one of his:

If I hear him right, he is actually in favour of meditation - as a religious practice - but doesn't see any scientifically vindicated merit to it as a health practice. Now, admittedly I used to think that there are some studies suggesting that meditation can improve some brain states.

Okay, so maybe that ain't so. That's fine. I always thought that those claims were a bit useless, anyway. After all, if a game of table tennis is a worthwhile endeavour that nobody feels motivated to back up by science, then why wouldn't the same go for just quietly sitting around for a while?

I do not claim that meditation has any effect outside subjective experience. I would, however, claim that in my own experience, daily meditation plus a good healthy dose of stoic philosophy, did help me get out of a rut, and does help me create less trouble for myself and others. I have the impression that it became easier, over time, to see things with less bias and to come down faster from an emotional outburst. I have no clue if that works for everyone, or if it can even ever be proven that it works for a few. It's only my impression, is all.

I do think that "getting a little bit of rest" between an impulse and my reaction, is something I achieved through my practice and that, at worst, I am wasting an hour before dawn feeling rather well.

Or I might just be getting older. Well, I guess I can live with that.

To me, the more important part is to not fall for the religious implications assigned to meditation. That there probably is no enlightenment awating just around the corner. That being a bit calmer does not mean that I have some "spiritual achievement", or that I am somehow better than others. It just seems to make my life a bit easier.

Entitlement, privilege, and motivation

When you say that "millenials are so entitled" *), what you are really saying is that they create suffering for themselves and others. And now, you create suffering by doling out your righteous judgment, feeling very much entitled in the process.

Of course, there can be tendencies for certain groups towards destructive attitudes or behaviours.

I think that the motivation with which you say something, and the way you say it, is important. Fundamentally important.

You can spew absolute judgments with hatred, bigotry, resentment and fear.

Or you can carefully try to describe and understand what you see as a destructive behaviour, and look out for solutions.

There's a difference between those two, and I think it is all important, especially in the times of social media and hair-trigger indignation.

It's a difference in tone moreso than content. It's hard to spot. It's easy to hide the one under the cover of the other.

It's important to learn how to listen, without judgment, and then rephrase the message so it becomes more productive.

In my experiene, stoicism, some parts of buddhism, and meditation can help with that goal.

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*) etc. etc. ad nauseam

Why Christianity Does Not Work

There is a useful idea of transcendence buried inside christianity. *)

Christianity is an attempt

to transcend the ego,

by projecting the inner demon,

unto an imagined external being,

denying its demonic origin,

and then submitting to it.

I think it is reasonably obvious why this can never work.

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*) inside abrahamic monotheism in general.

Group characterization, a.k.a. prejudice

"The pharisees were hypocrites."

"Millenials are lazy and entitled."

"Feminists are ugly, fat, man-hating bitches."

"All men are rapists in waiting."


The moment you put people into those neat little categories, you have already lost.

Thinking in groups, and then pitching them against each other, is one of the worst mistakes human beings make - every one of us, including myself.

And we make it an awful lot.

Why is it a mistake? Because it simply ain't true, that's why. It makes us make bad decisions.

Beliefs that don't accurately reflect reality, can cause bad decisions.

My favourite example is from the New Testament: The pharisees are consistently characterized as hypocrites. But, wait a sec - the pharisees were a group of maybe 2000-3000 people or so... can you honestly say that you believe that that many people were being hypocritical, and nothing but hypocritical, for all their life? While everybody else was superduper honest and good?

The answer is, of course, no. It's a piece of ideological hyperbole, of rhetoric.

Some pharisees sure acted like hypocrites in certain situations.

Just like everybody else. Just like I do. Just like you do.

The categorization of a group as hypocrites, or as "entitled", is simply wrong.

The categorization of a specific action as hypocritical is possibly correct, and can be productive.

Yet, we need group categorization for fast decisions, especially in semergency situations: "Can I trust this guy in uniform?" - "Should I run from this guy who looks like a drug addict?"

We do it more when we are emotionally upset. As long as there's no "clear and present danger", the right thing to do would be to let the emotions settle, and only then engage in thinking and decision-making.

We also do it out of sheer mindlessness, intellectual laziness. It takes effort to correct one's prejudice. It's work, actual, real, hard work, to get over it. And you can't ever say that you've finished your work. Never.

I suggest that we learn to be aware of our neat little categories, and whenever we meat someone from one of those groups, allow them the chance to prove us wrong.

I suggest that we learn to attack actions and opinions, with vigour and even mercilessly at times - but never people.