The Firy Wall

Okay, I'll do a bold step now and admit that I've been a huge kinkster for quite some time. On top of being kinky about rational thinking, that is.

Not that that's a big secret to boot, but it factors into what I'll say now.

I've been fascinated with chastity and its associated devices for long, long years. The infatuation with the devices, the belts and cages, has long dwindled. But I always saw something beyond the kink in the idea of chastity.

The kinky bit always created a sort of uneasy agility - which is, of course, precisely what the kinksters seek from it; but it's somewhat annoying in the long run. After all, what I really want for my life is a grounded, quiet sort of energy reserve that just hangs there in the background and is ready to kick in when the stakes are high.

Now, I've been "chaste" for about two weeks now. I didn't exactly count the days - that's not what this is about. I just kept focusing on the breath, instead of achieving ejaculatory orgasm.

For a few days, I was in almost that same state of high, but useless energy that I had back when I experimented with chastity devices. Nervous, uncontrollable, somehow very enjoyable but highly unstable, unfocused. Browsing for porn, having trouble sleeping, never focused on one task for longer than a few minutes.

But it seems that this is changing now. There is a more steady flow of good feelings, I've slept well for 7 hours, and I am quickly gaining back my focus. My drive, my confidence, my ability to dream up the most far-fetched visions... it's all coming back now. With a vengeance, so to speak.

My mental image for this is a "firy wall" that you have to break through - or rather, calmly pass through, in order to reach a more steadily energized state.

Variations, relaxations

It is interesting and highly instructive to try some variations.

For example, there is a distinct difference between consciously relaxing all muscles upon exhaling, and not doing so. Can you feel it?

It makes a difference when you flap your pelvis back upon inhaling, and forward at exhaling.

It feels different when you stroke very softly, or rather strong. It feels different to stroke your penis at the tip of its head, or at the root where it meets with the rest of the body.

I don't advocate either of those options. I advocate experimenting, solo or in pairs or... whatever, folks.

What I DO advocate, definitely, is this:

Do not forget to relax at some point.

It happens to me, a lot of the time. I guess it has to do with being focused on some kind of result or success. And I have the distinct impression that most of the time, the real work happens in relaxation more than under stress.



Also relevant: Yaaaay, 50th posting! :-)

How tantra can improve your sex life

I find that I rarely ever talk about sex.

That's because I'm not all that oversexed, come to think of it.

But of course, as a tantric blogger who blogs a blog about tantra, you simply HAVE to mention sex once in a while, if only to improve your search engine stats!

So, here goes:

Sex sex sex! Sexy sexual sensual lustful erotic sex in all positions mankind has dreamed up!

I mean, come on... it's a mindfulness practice. Of course it improves your sex life!

Christian Tantra?

http://loversintraining.org/christian-tantra/

At first glance, it's ... ahem... *cough* interesting *cough*. They seem to be constantly using the metaphor of a kettle of water getting hot - yes, that's meant exactly as you think it is!

I'm not quite sure about "redirecting sexual energy into prayer". Prayer, in my book, is a linguistic mental process, and tantra wouldn't work for me if it was focused on words.

What I find odd is the last paragraph on yonder page:

I'm Single. Do I Need a Spouse to Do This?

No, but, for a single person, Christian Tantra is quite different. Instead of building your sexual energy to high peaks, direct every bit of it into prayer. Keep your water no hotter than luke warm. If it gets any hotter, turn the fire off.

This seems at odds with the full acceptance of your sexual body, which I find to be totally essential, right there at the very core of tantra.

I get it - but it's impossible to explain

I think I'm starting to get it... that thing about not ejaculating, and keeping the energy instead.

Strangely, any and all descriptions I've read so far were oddly wrong. Not that they were completely wrong, mind you... more like, subtly missing the goal by a hair's breadth.

I don't think that any blame lies with those descriptions. The folks who wrote that stuff clearly came from experience.

It's that subjective, that hard to explain.

So I'll give it yet another self-defying try.

As far as technique goes, it's all about breathing, going very slow, training your PC muscles, focusing inward, and most of all -- letting go of the expectation of orgasm.

On a deeper level, though...

It's about a balance of control and letting go.
It's not about force.
It's about slowness.
It's about where you put your focus.
It's not about KEEPING, but about MOVING.
It's about breath.
It's about realizing what you really need.
It's about acceptance.

Ultimately, it's all about love.

Yet another exercise

Breath deep, relax, feel good.

Now, remember that situation a few days ago where you felt somewhat bad about something.

Whatever it is - husband, wife, boss, losing virginity, missing the bus, I don't care.

Maybe you don't want to choose something that gets you utterly depressed, for starters. Start with something mildly annoying instead, and work your way up.

Okay. Comfortably relaxed, situation at hand?

I want you to find out how you felt at that time.

No no no no - don't just come up with a name for the feeling. Forget the name! Name's don't matter in here. At all.

Instead, I want you to find out how and where in your body you feel it. In the underbelly, perhaps? Or a bit more towards the chest? Or in your back? In your throat?

Wherever it is, I want you to say hello to that feeling. It's just a feeling, it can't hurt you.

But I want more than that.

I want you to really welcome it. It's part of you, it connects you to your aliveness, it connects you to the world around you. It's part of what makes you who you are.

I want you to connect with that feeling, as if it were a good old friend.

Now try and find out how that changes it. Take your time. Linger on that.

And now, after you've respected and befriended the feeling, I want you to move it. Move it up to the heart, or down to the belly - wherever, just try. Go overboard with that. Be experimental.

And now, that you've done all that, I want you to examine - when you now think about the same situation again, do you feel different from how you felt before?

Say YES!

If you say YES to a person, being, situation from the core of yourself, that person, being, situation loses all ability to harm you.

So I'm practicing saying YES as often as possible.

Yes to my guilt trips.
Yes to my bad moods.
Yes to my powerlessness.
Yes to my anger.
Yes to my orgasms.
Yes to my behaviours.
Yes to you.
Yes to my ex-boss.
Yes to my ex-girlfriends.
Yes to my being single.
Yes to life!
Yes to joy.
Yes to comfort.
Yes to warmth.
Yes to daily exercise.


The list goes on.