Tantra, nofap, and chastity

I have not ejaculated outside my spouse's vagina in about two months now.

I guess that makes me somewhat special, and a bit of a specialist, hehe.

Recently, I've become very interested in the differences and similarities between tantra, the "nofap movement" (if you can call it that), and the bdsm chastity kink.

One surprising aspect of my current practice is that there is no "unbearable horniness". I don't experience my arousal as uncomfortable, nor am I in need of "release". I feel the "energies" flowing more or less all day, sometimes it makes me incredibly happy and sometimes it just is whatever it is... and sometimes I forget all about it and just go about my business.

In a way, this makes me an impossible candidate for my former chastity kink. I don't know how I would react if a woman does the whole tease-and-deny program on me, and I do get regular sex, so in a way it doesn't even count as chastity... but if we put that aside, I guess I can happily live this way for a very, very long time. Probably forever, though I guess there will be "relapses".

I am fairly certain that this incredible ability is tied to the lack of compulsive sexual fantasies. All the mindfulness meditation has taken care of that, I guess. When I engage in a tantric self-love session, there is practically no sexual fantasy accompanying it, as long as I don't deliberately conjure one up. It's pretty liberating.

Another effect is that I'm way more creative, and I feel most energetic and alive. I get more reading done, I write more, I'm just way more present.

I am doing those sessions daily now, by the way. I set my alarm to go off half an hour earlier to have time for that. I love it!

Of course, it's hard to pin it all down to that one specific activity. Correlation is not necessarily causation. But the correlation is definitely there. Definitely.

As for a bit of theorizing, I admit to some feelings of pity, probably even some fatherly condescension, towards the nofap crowd. They appear to come from a place of scarcity, neediness, and addiction, and they lack the tools that I have built up over many years now. It's all willpower and  If I were to try and preach to them (which I won't), even if they were receptive (which most won't be), I would not be able to pass on any knowledge. This journey can easily take years, it's next to impossible to believe it until you see it for yourself, and if you are steeped in helplessness and self-loathing, that's not a good starting place at all.

I have the impression that there is a deeply post-christian mindset going on there, in which the goal is to fix your own broken self by renunciation and asceticism -- through suffering. As hard as it is for me to say that -- they might have it easier if they did it for religious reasons and imitatio Christi, rather than just to escape their plight.

It is sad to see that porn has such a negative effect on many people. I grew up before the omnipresent, immediate availability of porn, and while I won't go on a moralistic loathing trip, (we didn't have access to a lot of useful information -- our early sexual encounters were not quite shiny examples either!) I see that this brings enormous issues. Of course, porn is not the root of the problem -- we have our neurotic view of sexuality to thank.

I was never one to watch porn, really. I enjoy beautiful non-porn-y pictures of naked women much more. Interestingly, I don't even do that so much these days, without any conscious effort on my part (I don't see anything bad with that, so why would I...)

Something weird and interesting is definitely going on here! Stay tuned!