Meditating the Psalms: Psalm 3 - Victimhood and Toothbashing

1.
מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד:    בְּבָרְחוֹ, מִפְּנֵי אַבְשָׁלוֹם בְּנוֹ

A psalm that I put into David's mouth, because it fits nicely with one of the many stories we tell about him that are completely made up.

2.
יְהוָה, מָה-רַבּוּ צָרָי;    רַבִּים, קָמִים עָלָ

Oh how oppressed am I! Nobody understands me, while all the other people have no issues at all!

3.
רַבִּים, אֹמְרִים לְנַפְשִׁי:    אֵין יְשׁוּעָתָה לּוֹ בֵאלֹהִים סֶלָ

Many have pointed out that my god didn't seem to do an awful lot for me, but I don't want to listen, selah.

4.
וְאַתָּה יְהוָה, מָגֵן בַּעֲדִי;    כְּבוֹדִי, וּמֵרִים רֹאשִׁ

I rather choose to cling to my beliefs as if they were true.

5.
קוֹלִי, אֶל-יְהוָה אֶקְרָא;    וַיַּעֲנֵנִי מֵהַר קָדְשׁוֹ סֶלָ

Not that I ever heard any voice from that damn mountain of his. But still, it doesn't hurt to pray and wait for an answer, does it?

6.
אֲנִי שָׁכַבְתִּי, וָאִישָׁנָה;    הֱקִיצוֹתִי--כִּי יְהוָה יִסְמְכֵנִ

After all, I *did* wake up this morning, didn't I? Can't have been my body doing that all by itself due to its biology? Must be some celestial intervention that keeps me alive!

7.
לֹא-אִירָא, מֵרִבְבוֹת עָם--    אֲשֶׁר סָבִיב, שָׁתוּ עָלָ

Rather than try and look at my issues as they are, and try to deal with them realistically, it's much better to stick my head in the desert sand and hope for help coming from above.

8.
קוּמָה יְהוָה, הוֹשִׁיעֵנִי אֱלֹהַי--    כִּי-הִכִּיתָ אֶת-כָּל-אֹיְבַי לֶחִי
שִׁנֵּי רְשָׁעִים    שִׁבַּרְתּ

Maybe, if I imagine a real good bloodbath, my imaginary friend will then be more eager to come and give it to those bastards like they deserve. After all, peace is for sissies and people who don't have imaginary friends who might beat up their foes for them.

9.
לַיהוָה הַיְשׁוּעָה;    עַל-עַמְּךָ בִרְכָתֶךָ סֶּלָ

After the war is over, we can then thank the lord for all the bloodletting. Sela.