Monday, March 19, 2012

The Firy Wall

Okay, I'll do a bold step now and admit that I've been a huge kinkster for quite some time. On top of being kinky about rational thinking, that is.

Not that that's a big secret to boot, but it factors into what I'll say now.

I've been fascinated with chastity and its associated devices for long, long years. The infatuation with the devices, the belts and cages, has long dwindled. But I always saw something beyond the kink in the idea of chastity.

The kinky bit always created a sort of uneasy agility - which is, of course, precisely what the kinksters seek from it; but it's somewhat annoying in the long run. After all, what I really want for my life is a grounded, quiet sort of energy reserve that just hangs there in the background and is ready to kick in when the stakes are high.

Now, I've been "chaste" for about two weeks now. I didn't exactly count the days - that's not what this is about. I just kept focusing on the breath, instead of achieving ejaculatory orgasm.

For a few days, I was in almost that same state of high, but useless energy that I had back when I experimented with chastity devices. Nervous, uncontrollable, somehow very enjoyable but highly unstable, unfocused. Browsing for porn, having trouble sleeping, never focused on one task for longer than a few minutes.

But it seems that this is changing now. There is a more steady flow of good feelings, I've slept well for 7 hours, and I am quickly gaining back my focus. My drive, my confidence, my ability to dream up the most far-fetched visions... it's all coming back now. With a vengeance, so to speak.

My mental image for this is a "firy wall" that you have to break through - or rather, calmly pass through, in order to reach a more steadily energized state.

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