Yesterday, I experienced something that I think mystics would have called unio mystica. It was beautiful, brilliant, ecstatic... but that's not the essence of it. I don't think the essence of it can be expressed in words... the closest I can get is that it was deeply paradoxical. And it lasted all through the day.
I was very sexually aroused, without touching. But there was no urge to satisfy. I don't mean that I suppressed it or overcame it... there just was nothing to overcome. The state was extremely pleasurable.
It was a bit like I was perpetually in the state of orgasm, without ending.
It felt like mind-fog, but I was actually rather focused. I was very productive, though it felt like I didn't do a lot.
I was beyond myself, and yet I have rarely before felt so much in tune with myself.
There was no worry, no fear, not even the possibility of needs. It was non-action, dao, a little peek into moksha or awakening.
Not that I deluded myself into thinking I was actually enlightened. It was just a peek. And that is perfectly fine.
Eveything was just what it was.
It was brilliant.
And it created a craving, or rather a longing, for more of it in my life.
It's probably the most powerful motivation I ever felt.
