There is this mindset of "self-improvement". People come from a place of deficiency. They are less-than. Not-quite. In dire need of improvement.
To me, this is epitomized in communities such as /r/nofap and /r/pornfree.
The idea is that "I have this obsession, I have to get rid of it, so I have to renounce this pleasure to reach my goal."
In this view, you are a victim of porn, of your imagination, of your desires, your habits, of your own weakness - and by willpower and strength and stamina and renunciation, you overcome your demons and break free.
This is fairly logical and consistent of course. I won't deny that this may well be the only viable way for a lot of people. It's the obvious thing.
If this is you, and if it works for you and makes you happy, stop reading and just do what you do.
There might be another way.
What if I told you that desire is not necessarily a call to the finish line? What if an urge was not necessarily something to fulfill? What if an empty hole does not necessarily cry for water to fill it?
Duh. What else would it be.
What if you learned to enjoy the urge itself?
What if there was joy in being with desire?
What if you learned how to see the urge, not as something to fulfill or to kill or overcome - but as something satisfying in and of itself?
What if discipline created its own reward?
In essence, this is the secular tantric *) mindset. Secular tantric practice is growing into that mindset.
Don't be fooled. It takes time, it takes discipline, it takes dedication. It's not the quick fix. And a certain openness to "spirituality", while not a prerequisite, might help. **)
But man is it good.
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*) Disclaimers apply: It's not "authentic tantra", it's just western secular sexual "energy" practice, yadda yadda yadda da.
**) You might even develop a certain "spiritual attitude" when you practice, to your own surprise, even against your will. You have been warned.
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