There and, hopefully, never back again: Re-starting a journey of male chastity.

Warning: This is a looong posting. Be prepared!


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There is a highly specialized genre of blog posts on the internet. It concerns itself with the writers' numerous experiences with "male chastity" -- that is to say, "enforced" abstinence of men regarding sex or, more specifically, ejaculation. There are fora for it, there is, as usual, according to rule 34, a plethora of porn about it, and -- equally as usual -- fantasy and reality often dance a very intimate danse macabre in those writings.

One basic narrative goes like this: Guy (heterosexual, white, 25-35 years) cheats on spouse. Spouse catches guy. Spouse purchases a chastity device which the guy is forced to wear. Henceforth, the guy is completely helpless, and the woman gets ever more dominant. Girl gets all the joy, guy does all the chores. BDSM tropes of all (im)possible kinds ensue.

Alternatively, the guy talks his woman into keeping him chaste; she complies more or less out of pity or curiosity, but without any real interest. After a while, she realizes the benefits to the situation (guy's horniness makes him do everything he can for her), and he is now a veritable sorcerer's apprentice who cannot undo what he has done. Again, BDSM tropes ensue. Happiness in slavery.

I will try and do my best to avoid all those cliché-ridden trappings of the aforementioned genre. I want to be as honest as possible.

I was interested in male chastity even before I started out with tantra. Problem was -- as with practically every aspiring male chastity apprentice -- that there was no fitting female partner to be found. Several kinds of experiments with self-locking, online and short-term keyholding *) arrangements, and 8-9 years later, I had given up on the whole thing, had begun exploring tantra and was moving on. The interest spiked a few times over the years, but all in all, it was a closed book.

Now, after 3 years with my current girlfriend, I somehow talked her into giving male chastity a try for a few days. Without going into the boring technical details too much, let me just say that there is no device (aka chastity belt) involved and very little bdsm stuff. She's soo not into being sadistic, it's actually kind of amazing!

It's an arrangement for mutual pleasure where she gets all the orgasms and gets to say when or if I am allowed to come, and I get... well, what I gain from it is to be the topic of the rest of this blog posting.

The most obvious, of course, is permanent, unrelenting horniness. While for many of you, it might not at all be obvious how this can possibly be a boon, for those who already took a peak into western tantra and taoist sex, the advantage of "semen retention" should be obvious (although, as I have expressed early, I do not believe for a second that the tantric explanations of it bear any connection with reality).

As for all the clichés mentioned above, it is definitely true that there is more energy, that I can focus on my partner more clearly and with more mindfulness, and that I now have more of a certain kind of tender feeling towards her. It used to be there before, half-buried below heaps of everyday busy-ness, but now it is way stronger. I guess it is called courtship.

Do you remember the first time you ever fell deeply in love? Did you feel completely and utterly helpless, and strong at the same time?

If you're a guy, you will know what I mean when I say that you would have done everything in your power for the girl of your dreams -- if not just to do her. I don't know how it feels for girls; I guess it's somewhat different, since our biological roles in sex are quite different, regardless of what modern narratives try to promote. **)

It's one of those feelings we all crave basically all our lives, and many of us try and regain that feeling, as soon as we feel its end with our current partner, by moving on to the next.

In many modern relationships, that initial phase of traditional courtship has vanished altogether. So was the case with us. I guess, deep inside, I was missing that phase. There were reasons, of course, and I won't bore you to death with them, but somehow it didn't seem quite right to me -- only, at the time I didn't realize that something was missing.

There is, on top of that, the tantric/taoist thing about having no goal to achieve for myself. Being able to focus on her like that feels nothing short of amazing. In a way, this is, to me, a key to actual real-life tantra.

Where we stand now is that I have this insane desire to please her -- not only under the sheets, but in general -- that I want to do good things for her every day, all day long (and I'm not quite sure how this will play out once I'm back to the office.... sheeeesh!!). It just feels so damn RIGHT. It feels like how this relationship should be. It feels like how I should feel toward her.

I have the feeling that this is a journey of shared self-exploration, of growing as persons and as a couple. For me, anyway, it feels like a huge step of personal development.

I don't entertain for a moment the idea that this will be our future state forevermore. It shall be a game we play for a little while, then another little while, then maybe another, not so little one...

Let me also say that there is not a moment of "force" there. All these theatrics about the guy being forced into submission seem exceedingly tedious and quite useless to me. Should I ever feel that this gets too much for me, I will simply tell her, and we will decide, as a couple, what to do about it.

And that's it for now. No clever punchline here. Just insane amounts of desire, a lot of joy and great curiosity.

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*) "Keyholding", where one person keeps the key to another's chastity device.

**) Hooray for gender diversity! I have no clue how these things feel for trans*persons. In this posting I'm talking about the majority 90% heterosexual cispersons, which happen to be, as it were, my natural area of expertise.