I just realized that I wrote a blog posting entitled "How tantra can improve your sex life". I was joking in that posting. Every blog about tantra is obliged to have a posting like that, because after all, sex sells, and specifically with tantra, sex is what seals the deal.
I'm doing another posting on the same topic - only this time, let's be a bit more serious!
I don't mean this to be demeaning or derogatory. I gathered some knowledge over a few years. A huge part of that time was spent in doubt whether this would actually lead me anywhere, or whether it was just a huge waste of time. There is no question, by now, which one is true. But of course, you, my dear reader, may probably not have gone down that road, may be about to decide whether this is for you, may have had some bad experience with some self-appointed "tantrika".
How tantra can improve your sex life... for real
The answer can be summed up in one word: Mindfulness.
If you're used to the normal ritual of sex, then this may be hard to grok: First off, what is meant by the term mindfulness, and how would it lead to better orgasms or more joy in your sex life?
Have you ever had one of those moments of absolute clarity? For a brief instant, you were totally in tune with yourself. The world was a peaceful place, and it was good to be there, wherever it was. It was a moment to be savored, and not even the knowledge of its eventual passing posed any real problem.
Whenever you are in a state like that, it just doesn't matter what the future will bring. You are in this moment, right here, right now, and that's it. That is a fine thing whenever it happens, pretty much regardless where you are.
If you happen to be in bed with your partner, it means that you don't have to strive for orgasm, ejaculation, release - even the question whether you (as a male) currently have an erection becomes obsolete. You just enjoy whatever feelings there are. And by doing so, those feelings become even more joyful and enjoyable.
Isn't that something?
Well, there's more.
See, if you're being mindful and let go of your drive towards orgasm, you can also be mindful of your partner. You stop rushing things. You take your time. That may be even more of a change for us males, because we tend to be rather goal-oriented creatures. You'll stop asking yourself if you've done enough licking or stroking, or when she'll at last have the sought-after orgasm. You can let go of your performance angst and your desire to satisfy her "better than any other guy", because every moment is excellent in and of itself.
In short, it makes you a better lover.
Of course, there are lots of subtle techniques - mostly boiling down to breathing and PC muscle exercises - and they have their place and are good and important tools. But the core essence of tantra, as with any other meditative practice, is skillful mindfulness.